Thursday, March 25, 2004

Osho 's Jokes

Once it happened: Mulla Nasruddin told me that he was thinking of divorcing his wife. I asked, 'Why? Why so suddenly?'

Nasruddin said, 'I doubt her fidelity towards me.'

So I told him, 'Wait, I will ask your wife.'

So I told his wife, 'Nasruddin is talking around town and creating a rumor that you are not faithful, and he is thinking of divorce, so what is the matter?'

His wife said, 'This is too much. Nobody has ever insulted me like that -- and I tell you, I have been faithful to him dozens of times!'

And the Flowers Showered

Mulla Nasruddin became very aged; he attained one hundred years. A reporter came to see him, because he was the oldest citizen around those parts. The reporter said, 'Nasruddin, there are a few questions I would like to ask. One is, do you think you will be able to live a hundred years more?'

Nasruddin said, 'Of course, because a hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now.' A hundred years before, he was a child, just born, so he said: 'A hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now, and if a small child, helpless, weak, could survive for a hundred years, why shouldn't I?'

And the Flowers Showered

Mulla Nasruddin killed his wife and then there was a case in the court. The judge said to Nasruddin, 'Nasruddin, you go on insisting again and again that you are a peaceloving man. What type of peaceloving man are you? You killed your wife!'

Nasruddin said, 'Yes, I repeat again that I am a peaceloving man. You don't know: when I killed my wife such peace descended on her face, and for the first time in my house there was peace all over. And I still insist that I am a peaceloving man.'

And the Flowers Showered

It happened: Mulla Nasruddin was getting fatter and fatter, stouter and stouter. The doctor advised a diet.

After two months Mulla went to see the doctor. The doctor said, 'My God! It is a miracle! You are even fatter than before -- I cannot believe my eyes! Are you strictly following the diet I gave you? Are you eating only that which I prescribed and nothing else?'

Nasruddin said, 'Nothing whatever! Of course I'm following your diet.'

The doctor couldn't believe it. He said, 'Tell me, Nasruddin, nothing whatever?'

Nasruddin said, 'Of course! Except my regular meals.' Regular meals PLUS the diet the doctor has prescribed.

And the Flowers Showered

Mulla Nasruddin was hospitalized. He was eighty -- and then came his birthday, and he was waiting for his three sons to bring him some present. They came of course, but they had not brought anything -- because he was eighty years old! A child feels happy with a present, but an old man? Eighty years old! His eldest son was sixty. So they didn't think about it at all, but when they came and Mulla looked and they were empty-handed, he felt angry, frustrated, and he said, 'What! Have you forgotten your old father, your poor old father's birthday? It is my birthday!'

One son said, 'Forgive us, we forgot completely.'

Mulla Nasruddin said, 'I reckon I will forgive you, because it seems this forgetfulness runs in our family. Really, I forgot to marry your mother.' He was really angry.

So they all three shrieked in unison, and they said, 'What! Do you mean we are...?'

He said, 'Yes! -- and damned cheap ones at that!'

And the Flowers Showered

Once it happened, a friend of Mulla Nasruddin was talking to Mulla Nasruddin. They had met after many -- years. Both were bitter rivals; both were poets. Both started to boast about the progress they had made in their careers.

'You have no idea, Nasruddin, how many people read my poetry now,' bragged the friend. 'My readers have doubled.'

'My God, my God!' cried Nasruddin. 'I had no idea you got married!'

Ancient Music in the Pines

It happened that Mulla Nasruddin came to me one day. He was very much worried and he said, 'Ah, poor Mr. Jones. Did you hear, Osho, what happened to him? He tripped at the top of the stairs, fell down the whole flight, banged his head and died.'

Shocked, I said, 'Died?'

'Died,' he repeated with emphasis, 'and broke his glasses too!'

Ancient Music in the Pines