Friday, March 19, 2004

Osho's Jokes

Mulla Nasruddin once told me, 'Well, I have been putting off the evil day for months but I have got to go this time.'

'Dentist or doctor?' I inquired.

'Neither,' he said, 'I am getting married.'

Ancient Music in the Pines

Mulla Nasruddin visited this store recently. He found rare tropical fruits from the jungles of South America and many strange delicacies from Africa and the Middle East.

In one corner he found a counter with several trays of human brains. There were politicians' brains at $1 per pound, engineers' brains at $2 per pound, and there was one tray Of saints' brains at $50 per pounce.

Since all the brains looked very much alike, he asked the man behind the counter, "Why do you charge so much more for the saints' brains?"

The man peered out from behind his glasses and answered, "Do you have any idea how many saints we have to go through to get a pound of brains?"

Ah, This!

The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.

The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"

Ah, This!

When the bottle of Scotch broke on the floor, the three little mice lapped it all up. Now they were really blind.

"I'm going to find Muhammad Ali and knock his brains out," said the first one.

The second said, "Just let me at that Idi Amin! I'll give him what's coming to him!"

"You guys do what you want," said the third mouse. "Me, I'm going upstairs and making love to the cat!"

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-9

Stalin was giving Mao Zedong instructions in practical communism. "Comrade," he said, "how would you make a cat eat chili pepper?"

"There are two ways," said Mao. "I could force it down him or I could stuff a fish with the pepper and give the fish to the cat."

"Wrong," replied Stalin. "It is not compatible with our ideology. The first method is coercion, the second deception. You know we never coerce or deceive the people."

"Then how would you do it?" asked Mao.

"I would rub the pepper on the cat's tail. When this started to smart, the cat would turn around and lick its tail, thus eating the pepper voluntarily."

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-9

Jack was home from college for the holidays. One day he asked his uneducated mother if he could tell her a narrative. His mother, not being used to such big words, asked him the meaning of 'narrative'.

"A narrative is a tale," Jack said.

That night, when going to bed, Jack asked his mother if he might extinguish the light. She wanted to know the meaning of 'extinguish'.

"To put out," Jack said.

A few days later Jack's mother was giving a party at their home, and the cat wandered into the room. Jack's mother raised her voice and said confidently, "Jack, take the cat by the narrative and extinguish him."

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8