Monday, March 29, 2004

Osho's Jokes

Mulla Nasruddin and his friend Rahimtullah are standing on a street corner insulting one another. The one calls the other stupid, a cheat, a thief. The other says, "You are a coward, a miser, a hypocrite." Finally they begin insulting each other's families.

Mulla Nasruddin looks Rahimtullah straight in the eye and says, "Your sister is a stinking old whore; for twenty-five paisa she will let a one-eyed leper crawl over her."

Rahimtullah stands there, speechless. A bystander is amazed. He goes over to him and says, "For God's sake, man, how can you just stand there and let the Mulla insult your sister like that?"

Rahimtullah says, "I don't have a sister, I never had a sister, and now that my parents are both dead I never will have a sister."

So the bystander turns to Mulla Nasruddin and says, "Mulla, there is no point your insulting him like that, he does not have a sister."

"Sure," says the Mulla. "Of course not. I know it and he knows it, and now even you know it. But I ask you, how many of the people who had their windows open and were listening to our every word -- how many of them also know it?"

The Book of Wisdom

Mulla Nasruddin and his wife are sitting one Sunday listening to the radio, when this faith healer comes on and he says, "If you have a part of your body you want healed, place one hand on the radio and the other hand on the afflicted part."

The wife placed one hand on the radio and the other on her heart. The Mulla placed one hand on the radio and the other on his appendage.

So the wife said, "Mulla, he's trying to cure the sick, not raise the dead."

The Book of Wisdom

Mulla Nasruddin is chosen an honorary magistrate. The first case appears. He hears one side and declares to the court, "Within five minutes I will be back with the judgment."

The court clerk could not believe it -- he has not heard the other side! The clerk whispered in his ear, "What are you doing? Don't you see a simple thing? You have heard only one party, one side. The other side is waiting, and without hearing them you cannot give any judgment."

Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't try to confuse me. Just now I am absolutely clear. If I hear the other side too, then there is bound to be confusion."

Beyond Psychology

Mulla Nasruddin was on Chowpatty Beach with his wife, and suddenly he said, "Would you like bhelpuri once more?"

The wife said, "Once more? But we have not had any bhelpuri."

He said, "Beloved, it seems you are losing your memory. Just fifty years ago when we got married and we had come here for the first time, we had bhelpuri. That's why I am saying, `Would you like it once more?'"

Beyond Enlightenment

Mulla Nasruddin had applied for a post on a ship. He was interviewed. The captain and the high officials of the ship were sitting in a room. Mulla entered. The captain asked, "If the seas are in a turmoil, winds are strong, waves are huge and mountainous, what are you going to do to save the ship? It is tossed from here to there...."

Mulla Nasruddin said, "It is not much of a problem: I will just drop a huge anchor to keep the ship stable against the winds, against the waves. It is not much of a problem."

The captain again said, "Suppose another mountainous wave comes and the ship is going to be drowned; what are you going to do?"

He said, "Nothing -- another huge anchor."

The captain looked at him and asked a third time, "Suppose it is a great typhoon and it is impossible to save the ship. What are you going to do?"

He said, "Nothing, the same -- a huge anchor."

The captain said, "From where are you getting these huge anchors?"

He said, "From the same place. From where are you getting these great, mountainous waves, strong winds? -- from the same place. You go on getting them, I will go on getting bigger and bigger anchors."

Beyond Enlightenment

Mulla Nasruddin was speaking to Morarjibhai Desai. Seeing Mulla Nasruddin in orange, Morarjibhai Desai was obviously annoyed. He said to Nasruddin, "Mulla, what turned you on to Rajneesh?"

'The day I saw him walking out with his hands folded, I knew then that God exists," replied Mulla.

Morarji, looking at Mulla from the corner of his eye, asked, "Hmmm, and what do you feel when you see me?"

Mulla said, "That God can also make mistakes."

Be Still and Know

Once it happened, Mulla Nasruddin was gambling in a horse race. First race he lost; second, he lost; third -- he went on losing, and two ladies just by his side sitting in a box were continuously winning every race.

Then at the seventh he could not contain his curiosity. What system were they following? Every race, and it was now the seventh, they had been winners and he had been a loser, and he had been working so hard at it. So he gathered courage, leaned over, and asked the ladies: 'You are doing well?'

They said, 'Yes,' very happily, they were beaming with happiness.

So he whispered: 'Can you tell me about your system? Just a hint.'

One lady said laughingly, 'We have a lot of systems! But today we have decided for long tails.'

And the Flowers Showered

Once it happened: Mulla Mulla Nasruddin was being analyzed by a psychiatrist. After many months of analysis, many meetings, the psychiatrist said, as Mulla lay on the couch: 'This is what I feel, this is what I conclude: you need to fall in love, you need a beautiful feminine object. Love is your need.'

Mulla said, 'Between me and you, don't you think love is silly?'

The psychiatrist said, 'Between me and you? -- it would be absurd!'

And the Flowers Showered