Meditate on Music

Osho Jokes : Pretty Miss Keneen

Pretty Miss Keneen sat in the confessional. "Father," she said, "I want to confess that I let my boyfriend kiss me."

"Is that all you did?" asked the priest, very interested.

"Well, no. I let him put his hand on my leg too."

"And then what?"

"And then I let him pull down my panties."

"And then, and then...?"

"And then me mother walked into the room."

"Oh shit," sighed the priest.

How fortunate am I.

"Osho decides to speak in the living room of His cottage every morning and evening. As there is only one bathroom I get up early to take my shower and then get the bathroom ready for Him. In the living room I have a mattress on the floor which I sleep on during the night, and in the morning I fold it up and cover it with a white sheet and keep some pillows to make a comfortable seat for Osho to sit on while speaking. During discourse, I sit near Him with my little cassette recorder. Friends are allowed to ask questions during discourse. It is more like an intimate dialogue than a discourse. Every day He is taking us deeper into the mystery of existence. I am listening to Him and at the same time watching the recording indicator needles moving, giving me the signal of the volume. When one side of the tape is about to finish I slowly press the stop button and I observe Osho stops speaking till the recorder is on again.
I appreciate His concern about every little thing. In the morning He asks me if I slept well in the night. I don’t find any words to express my gratitude to Him for allowing me to sleep on the same mattress on which He sits twice a day for nearly two hours at a time."

What beautiful music ... quenches thirst of my soul .. aaha

Osho Stories ~ Trust

"A man just got married and was returning home with his wife. They were crossing a lake in a boat when suddenly a great storm arose. The man was a warrior, but the woman became very much afraid because it seemed almost hopeless -- THE BOAT WAS SMALL AND THE STORM WAS REALLY HUGE, AND ANY MOMENT THEY WERE GOING TO BE DROWNED. But the man sat silently, calm and quiet, as if nothing was happening.

The woman was trembling and she said, "Are you not afraid? This may be our last moment of life! IT DOESN'T SEEM THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO REACH THE OTHER SHORE. Only some miracle can save us, otherwise death is certain. Are you not afraid? Are you mad or something? Are you a stone or something?"

THE MAN LAUGHED AND TOOK THE SWORD OUT OF ITS SHEATH. The woman was even more puzzled -- what he is doing? Then he brought the naked sword close to the woman's neck -- so close that just a small gap was there, it was almost touching her neck.

He said, "ARE YOU AFRAID?"

She started to giggle and laugh and said, "WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID? If the sword is in your hands, why should I be afraid? I know you love me."

He put the sword back and said, "This is my answer. I know God loves me, and the sword is in His hands, and the storm is in His hands -- so WHATSOEVER IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS GOING TO BE GOOD. If we survive, good; if we don't survive, good -- because EVERYTHING IS IN HIS HANDS, AND HE CANNOT DO ANYTHING WRONG."

This is the trust one needs to imbibe. SUCH TREMENDOUS TRUST IS CAPABLE OF TRANSFORMING YOUR WHOLE LIFE! And ONLY such tremendous trust is capable of transforming your life -- less than that won't do."

~ Osho

Tale 65 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

After this taxi incident, my girl friend, who is also coming for discourse every evening and I decide that either she will come to stay with me in the night or I go to her house. In the morning, we can depart. She likes to come to my home; I have arranged an extra bed for her in my room. It works out fine.

People living in the neighborhood notice it and not knowing the facts, start the rumor that I am bringing girls in my home at night, who leave in the morning. When I hear this gossip from a friend, I am really shocked. What a rotten society we are living in. How people project their minds on us! They won’t even dare to come and talk to me about this.

Sometimes I decide to stay at my friend’s home and come to my home in the morning. And again the gossip: I am not coming home the whole night; surely I am doing some night business. I tell to Osho about all these rumors about us. And His answer is, “It is your fire test. You have not to react, but ignore such people. Be indifferent. One day the truth will reveal itself.”

Tale 66 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

By and by, people have started to understand us. My office people don’t give me any funny looks. Some have started reading Osho’s books and are coming to listen to His discourses also. The whole atmosphere has changed. My boss is no longer angry at me. On the contrary, he helps in whatever way possible.

Morning discourses are arranged in Patkar Hall for eighteen days from 8:30 to 10:00am. Osho is going to speak on Mahavira. My office starts at 9:00am and I have no leave to my credit. I feel desperate and go to see Osho. I tell Osho about my office timings and ask Him what to do. He is never in favor of resigning my job.

He asks me, “What is the name of your boss and how does he look?”

I tell Him the name and describe his personality. I don’t understand at all what Hi is up to. He closes His eyes for a couple of minutes and then tells me to inform my boss that I will be coming at 10:30 for eighteen days. I am surprised. It looks impossible. I tell Osho, “It won’t work. We have a time card punching system in the office. Only one minute late is allowed.” Listening to this, Osho again repeats the same message and asks me to do what Hi is saying.

I go to the office, working out how to put it to my boss. I know him as a very strict man of discipline in the office. My mind says, “He will think that I have lost my sanity, asking for such a concession.”

Somehow, I gather courage and go to see him. He greets me with a smile on his face, which is very unusual, and asks me what he can do for me. Hesitantly, I ask him if I can come one hour late in the morning and work one hour more in the evening for a few days. To my great astonishment, he says he has seen the advertisement in the paper and knows that Osho speaking from 8:30 to 10:00 every morning for eighteen days. Then he asks me, “How will you manage to reach by 10:00 in the office?” I tell him, “I will leave the discourse a little early and will manage to reach by taxi.”

He laughs and says, “There is no need to leave the discourse early. You can come by 10:30 and don’t punch your time card. I will take care of it and don’t sit late also.”

I can’t believe my ears! What a miracle! I am sure that Osho has done some telepathy with this man which I can’t conceive.

When I tell Osho about this, he laughs and does not comment on it. I think He is not in favor of making any gossip about His miraculous powers.

Tale 64 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho has started speaking every evening from 8:00pm at His apartment in Woodlands. Sometimes discourse goes on for a couple of hours. It takes me more than an hour to reach my home in the suburbs. It is quite an odd time. There are hardly any women traveling by local train at that late hour. Men give me funny looks and sometimes pass ugly remarks. But at any cost, I don’t want to miss His discourse.

As usual, I am going back home by local train and for some reason the train stops between two stations nearly half an hour. I am getting worried. It is going to be too late tonight. By the time the train reaches Andheri station it is already 11:45pm.

I walk out of the station and wait at the bus stop. One man standing by my side starts talking to me very gently and offers me a lift in a taxi. First I hesitate, but finding no other way, I agree to it. He hires a taxi and opens the door for me. I enter first and he sits by my side. As the taxi starts, he puts his arm around me and tells me to introduce myself. I can smell his vibe and feel myself stupid for accepting his offer. My mind stops working. I don’t know what to do now. He comes more close and says I look tired. If I would like to eat and have some drink first… I gather myself together and tell him, “It is too late, I want to go straight home.” He laughs and whispers in my ear, “tonight, you are not going home.” He presses my hand. I simply freeze and remember Osho. To my utter surprise, suddenly something clicks. I become very much aware and tell him, “Yes please. I am feeling very hungry. Let us get down here and have some food.” He asks the taxi driver to stop and we get out of the taxi. He is looking at the meter to pay the taxi fare. And really a miracle happens. One bus arrives and halts right in front of me. I rush and enter into the bus from the exit door, which the driver does not object to at all. My heart is still throbbing fast in fear, though I have reached home safely. I promise to myself never to take a ride again in my life.

What an incident! But it proves what Osho is saying about our sexually suppressed society.

Tale 63 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

It is evening, peak rush time of vehicles on the roads in Bombay. I am waiting for a taxi to reach Cross Maidan, where Osho is giving discourses on Bhagavadgeeta at 6:30pm. I am getting desperate after waiting for fifteen minutes. So many taxis are passing before me, but all are already occupied. I wonder where all these people are going, why someone is not giving me a ride. It getting too late and I feel frustrated and helpless. As a last chance, I start praying in my heart, asking existence to help me to reach in time for discourse. I relax and let go and the miracle happens. A car stops near me. Someone opens the front door. I peep in.

I can’t believe my eyes. Osho sitting in the back seat greets me with a smile and Ma Laxmi, who is driving, asks me to sit by her side in front. My mind is blown away. There is deep silence in the car and I feel drowned in it. My eyes close with gratitude and tears start flowing.

In a few minutes we reach Cross Maidan. I get out of the car and rush to touch His feet, but there is already a big group of people surrounding Him. Everyone is touching His feet and He is bending every time to touch their heads. It is too much. So many people are surrounding Him; it is difficult for Him to move even an inch. Laxmi looks at me and we both start pushing people to the sides, and stretch our arms, working like a wall on both His sides. Still two minutes distance takes about ten minutes for Him to reach the podium. He greets the audience with folded hands and sits cross-legged in Buddha posture with His eyes closed. I find my place in the front row on the ground. I look at Him. There is no sign of any tiredness on His face. He looks so fresh and luminous like an angel who has just arrived on the earth.

Tale 62 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho is giving discourses on Mahavira at Patkar Hall in Bombay. It is the eighteen-day religious festival of the Jainas called Paryushan.

Today Osho’s mother and aunt, who have arrived from Gadarwara, will be taking Sannyas before discourse. The auditorium is over-full. Osho has arrived two minutes early today, and after greeting everyone with folded hands, sits in lotus posture with His eyes closed. Suddenly, two elderly women in orange saris, walking through the auditorium, reach to the podium and bow down to Osho. Osho slowly gets up and touches their feet first and then puts Malas around their necks. The whole scene is so touching; many friends in the auditorium start sobbing. It blows my mind away, watching Osho touching the feet of His mother and aunt. I feel as if the sky has come down

to touch the earth. Such a man of heights and so simple and humble, is unbelievable. I guess it has never happened in the past history that a mother gets initiated by her enlightened son. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity of being a witness to this memorable event.

Tales 61 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho has stopped giving discourses to the public on open grounds. Every evening He is speaking to a group of friends in the living room of the Woodlands apartment. Morning discourses are arranged in auditoriums. We are about fifty Sannyasins now, who are allowed to sit behind Him on the podium. After discourse, there is Kirtan (singing & dancing). We all dance on the podium and Osho joins us with clapping to the rhythm of the music. It is a kind of energy play on the stage. People sitting on chairs in the auditorium stand up and dance. Every day, two or three friends gather courage to take the jump into Sannyas.

In the evening, when I reach Woodlands, Laxmi informs me about how many wickets are down today. We count on our fingers and feel happy to know that our Sannyas family is getting bigger every day. One of the friends tells Osho, “A day will come when there will be all Sannyasins listening to you in the auditorium, then only the few non-Sannyasins will sit on the podium with you.”

Osho chuckles and says, “It is possible. It will take a little time. One spark can burn the whole forest. This Neo-Sannyas movement will soon spread like fire around the world.

Tale 60 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho has already moved to His new apartment in Woodlands building. I am seeing Him almost every day, narrating Him all kinds of incidents. He enjoys and laughs and tells me not to take anything seriously.

I narrate to Him how college boys throw flying kisses from the running buses when I am standing at a bus stop. I feel very awkward when people standing in the queue start looking at me as if I am a fool.

He tells me, “If someone is sending you a flying kiss, just stretch your arm and give him flying blessings. What else can you do?”

By and by, I get used to all such incidents. Osho is already very notorious and is known as ‘Sex Guru’ and people think of us as prostitutes.

By now, I have become very strong inside and don’t care a bit about others’ opinions. One morning I am waiting at the platform to catch the train. One so-called gentleman walks towards me and asks me if I would like to be with him tonight. I just tell him, “Sorry, you are too late. I am already engaged.” He takes it seriously and asks, “How about tomorrow?” I reply to him, “Tomorrow never comes.” He can not get the point and utterly confused, walks away.

When I tell this incident to Osho, He really enjoys it and says, “Well done, Jyoti. Just be playful like that and there will be no problem.”

Tale 59 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

I am really scared to come to Bombay in orange clothes and Mala. I am working in Bombay Transport Company, a huge organization running buses all over Bombay. Thousands of people are working with me in the main office at Colaba. Whenever I go on leave, I never come back in time.

I don’t face much problem at home. My father takes it easy—may be because I don’t depend on him financially. Somehow I gather courage and go to the office in orange Lunghi and Kurta with a big long Mala around my neck. Whosoever meets me, gives me a surprised look. Many think I have become part of the hippie cult. All my colleagues start asking questions about my orange dress and Mala. My boss becomes angry with me for making all this show business. I feel myself an alien amongst all these friends.

Tale 58 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

After wearing this orange dress for two days, I wash it and go to the morning discourse in my ordinary clothes. When He looks at me, I feel He is not happy about my wearing other clothes. There is a question in His look, “What has happened to the orange dress?”

I can’t understand it. How can I wear one dress for all these days?

After discourse, I am called in His room. I am scared as if I have committed some crime and I have to face the judge in the court. I enter in His room like a sheep. He is sitting on a chair with His eyes closed, and I sit on the floor near His feet. I feel relaxed, wrapped in His invisible fragrance. I can’t resist fazing at His radiant face. He opens His eyes and smiles at me. All my fear vanishes away.

He says, “You have to distribute all your other clothes to your friends and wear only orange.” I ask Him, “How can I go to the office in orange dress? People will laugh and think I have gone mad.” He laughs and says, “You are mad. Let people laugh, you can also laugh with them.” Seeing me confused, He says, “It is up to you. You decide whether you want to be a Sannyasin or not.” His voice is strong and He is really serious about Sannyas. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving me in total confusion.

A special meeting is arranged in the evening in His living room, where He explains to us about His Neo-Sannyas movement. I leave the meeting with a heavy heart. I can’t digest this heavy dose. We have to live in our homes, continue our jobs and wear orange clothes and Mala around our neck. It sounds easy but does not seem practical. I am unable to sleep the whole night. When I visualize the whole scene of going to my home and office in orange clothes, my mind simply freaks out.

Lying in my bed, I can see my mind, wrestling with Osho. Finally, my love and trust for Osho wins and realizing its utter failure, my mind calms down and surrenders to the master. I whisper to myself, “Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart.”

Tale 57 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

As I come out of the room, I see Chaitanya Bharti standing there with his camera. I ask him if he will take a picture of me with Osho after discourse. He agrees to it. I tell him that after discourse I will go near Osho, where he should be available.

I sit down on the floor in the audience near the podium and close my eyes. I am in an “Aha” space. I have no clue of what is going on. There are about 400 to 500 people sitting in pin drop silence waiting to receive their master. In a couple of minutes I feel Osho’s presence near me and I open my eyes. He is right in front of me, standing with His folded hands, greeting His friends. I look upwards to see His face one more time to quench my unending thirst. He speaks nearly two hours, answering all kinds of questions.

After discourse, I walk towards Him and say, “Osho, I want to have a picture with you.” He immediately agrees to it and I stand next to Him on His right side, and Chaitanya Bharti clicks his camera in seconds. This picture is my real treasure. When I receive it in the mail from Delhi, I take it to show to Osho.

Osho gazes at the picture for a minute and signs it with the message; “One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin.”

Tale 56 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Meditation camp at Manali has started. Today, I go to see Osho in my regular clothes. He asks me, “Where is your orange dress? Why have you put it on?” I tell Him, “I will put it tomorrow.”

Next morning, I am dressed in my orange lunghi and kurta and have come to see Him before discourse with my girl friend Veena from Bombay. We both are waiting in the living room with much excitement. After a few minutes, He comes out of the bathroom. His face is very radiant with an aura of light around Him. He greets me with a big smile as I go neat Him to touch His feet. He blesses me placing His hand on my head.

As I get up, He says, “You look good in this dress. Now you are a Sannyasin. What name should be given to you?” He places a huge Mala with big beads around my neck. I am just surprised, not knowing what is going on. I take it all as a joke and simply laugh. He looks at Veena, and the name ‘Jyoti’ slips out of her mouth. Osho likes this name and says, “It is good name but not complete. ‘Dharm Jyoti’ will be the right name for you.” It all happens standing in the living room. That is how I am initiated into Sannyas. Not a big deal. I feel pulled towards Him and hug Him. He receives my hug, showering all His love on me by placing His hand on my head. I feel drowned in utter silence and joy.

Tale 55 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Meditation camp will soon be happening in Manali. Today morning, He asks me if I like the orange colour dress of Laxmi. I say, “Yes Osho, it looks good on her.” He says, “It will look good in the meditation camp, the participants wearing the same colour. You get one dress made like Laxmi’s.” He gives the same message to Karuna also. We both agree to it.

Since that message, He has asked us three time if our orange dresses are ready. And our answer is the same, “Not yet.” There is still quite a time until the meditation camp. To my surprise today, I go to see Him and find this big pile of orange cloth sitting in one of the corners of His room. He asks me to cut the piece of cloth for my dress. I feel ashamed for not making my dress in time and giving Him all this trouble. Maybe I was not serious about it, but He looks serious. With the help of a friend, I cut four meters

of cloth for me with shaky hands. Some unknown fear grips me and I am unable to look at Him. He calls me and I sit near His feet, with the bundle of cloth in my lap, looking at the floor.

He blesses me by keeping His hand on my head and says, “Get this dress made exactly in the same pattern as Laxmi’s. It will look good on you.” I look at His mischievously smiling face and get more confused, not understanding what He is up to.

Tale 54 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

After the meditation camp at Nargol, Laxmi has started wearing orange color Lunghi and Kurta. Osho has appointed her as secretary and she comes to C.C.I. Chambers at 7:00am. Anyone wanting to see Osho has to take appointment from her. This is beyond my imagination. My mind is not ready to accept this new arrangement.

Everyday I am buying some roses from a blind boy who is selling them in a local train. Before starting dynamic, I am visiting Him in His bedroom to offer the flowers. I ask Osho about this appointment business started by Laxmi.

He laughs and says, “Don’t make it a problem. Just come before Laxmi arrives." I appreciate this great idea of my master and start coming fifteen minutes before Laxmi—and walk straight to His room. I feel it is not only me who wants to see Him, He is also waiting to see me.

Tonight, I heat Him saying in discourse, “The master is like a heavy cloud full of water, showering on those who are thirsty and ready to receive Him in their hearts. The disciple may feel grateful or not, but the master feels grateful towards those who have opened their heart towards Him.”

He further adds, “This has never been said by masters before, but it is so. I am saying it from my own experience.”

My head bows down in gratitude and I can't find any words to thank Him. I know He understands those hearts, which are beating in rhythm with His heart.

Tale 53 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddha

Osho has resigned from the university and has moved from Jabalpur to Bombay. He is staying as a guest in a three bedroom apartment at C.C.I.. Chambers which is rented by a friend for Him.

In one of the bedrooms, we– may be eight friends– do dynamic every morning from seven to eight. I am staying in the suburbs of Bombay and it takes me nearly an hour to reach there. One of the friends leads the meditation and the rest of us participate in it.

In the silent period of the meditation Osho comes in the room to see how we are doing today. I am sitting silently in Buddha posture and feel His presence near me.

He places His hand on my head and shakes it and whispers, “Don’t hold, let go.” And something happens. My whole body starts shaking, I start crying loudly. Some block inside is removed by His divine touch. I was never aware that I had suppressed so much inside me. I cry and cry for about half an hour and finally settle in deep silence.

I feel very relaxed and relieved of some invisible burden. A deep cleansing has happened in my psyche which may have taken years for me to do it on my own.

Thank you beloved master.

Tale 52 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Today is the last day in Pahalgaon. With Osho, sometime it feels the time has

stopped and at other times it feels it is running very fast. While I am busy packing, I hear the voice of this Muslim watchman, who is standing at the door. I ask him to come after an hour to help us carry our luggage to the car. As a token of his services, I give him twenty rupees, which he receives with thanks and leaves.

We are sitting on the verandah with Osho, ready to leave. The watchman comes and salutes Osho saying, "Aleikum Salaam". Osho smiles at him. He asks Osho if he can come to Bombay to serve Him. I can see tears in his eyes. He is deeply touched by Osho's love. Osho blesses him by placing His hand on his head, and asks me if I have given him some money. I tell Osho about giving him twenty rupees. Osho says, "Give him twenty more". Twenty rupees is quite an amount in these days. People hardly give five rupees as baksheesh to their servants. Osho has the heart of an emperor who is always ready to share to the maximum. I give the watchman twenty rupees more. While receiving it he holds my hand and starts crying. It touches me deeply and tears overflow from my eyes also. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity to open my heart to a stranger.