Friday, March 29, 2013

Osho Jokes : Pretty Miss Keneen

Pretty Miss Keneen sat in the confessional. "Father," she said, "I want to confess that I let my boyfriend kiss me."

"Is that all you did?" asked the priest, very interested.
"Well, no. I let him put his hand on my leg too."
"And then what?"
"And then I let him pull down my panties."
"And then, and then...?"
"And then me mother walked into the room."
"Oh shit," sighed the priest.

Monday, August 20, 2012

How fortunate am I.

"Osho decides to speak in the living room of His cottage every morning and evening. As there is only one bathroom I get up early to take my shower and then get the bathroom ready for Him. In the living room I have a mattress on the floor which I sleep on during the night, and in the morning I fold it up and cover it with a white sheet and keep some pillows to make a comfortable seat for Osho to sit on while speaking. During discourse, I sit near Him with my little cassette recorder. Friends are allowed to ask questions during discourse. It is more like an intimate dialogue than a discourse. Every day He is taking us deeper into the mystery of existence. I am listening to Him and at the same time watching the recording indicator needles moving, giving me the signal of the volume. When one side of the tape is about to finish I slowly press the stop button and I observe Osho stops speaking till the recorder is on again.
I appreciate His concern about every little thing. In the morning He asks me if I slept well in the night. I don’t find any words to express my gratitude to Him for allowing me to sleep on the same mattress on which He sits twice a day for nearly two hours at a time."

What beautiful music ... quenches thirst of my soul .. aaha

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Osho Stories ~ Trust

"A man just got married and was returning home with his wife. They were crossing a lake in a boat when suddenly a great storm arose. The man was a warrior, but the woman became very much afraid because it seemed almost hopeless -- THE BOAT WAS SMALL AND THE STORM WAS REALLY HUGE, AND ANY MOMENT THEY WERE GOING TO BE DROWNED. But the man sat silently, calm and quiet, as if nothing was happening.

The woman was trembling and she said, "Are you not afraid? This may be our last moment of life! IT DOESN'T SEEM THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO REACH THE OTHER SHORE. Only some miracle can save us, otherwise death is certain. Are you not afraid? Are you mad or something? Are you a stone or something?"

THE MAN LAUGHED AND TOOK THE SWORD OUT OF ITS SHEATH. The woman was even more puzzled -- what he is doing? Then he brought the naked sword close to the woman's neck -- so close that just a small gap was there, it was almost touching her neck.

He said, "ARE YOU AFRAID?"

She started to giggle and laugh and said, "WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID? If the sword is in your hands, why should I be afraid? I know you love me."

He put the sword back and said, "This is my answer. I know God loves me, and the sword is in His hands, and the storm is in His hands -- so WHATSOEVER IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS GOING TO BE GOOD. If we survive, good; if we don't survive, good -- because EVERYTHING IS IN HIS HANDS, AND HE CANNOT DO ANYTHING WRONG."

This is the trust one needs to imbibe. SUCH TREMENDOUS TRUST IS CAPABLE OF TRANSFORMING YOUR WHOLE LIFE! And ONLY such tremendous trust is capable of transforming your life -- less than that won't do."

~ Osho

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Tale 65 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

After this taxi incident, my girl friend, who is also coming for discourse every evening and I decide that either she will come to stay with me in the night or I go to her house. In the morning, we can depart. She likes to come to my home; I have arranged an extra bed for her in my room. It works out fine.

People living in the neighborhood notice it and not knowing the facts, start the rumor that I am bringing girls in my home at night, who leave in the morning. When I hear this gossip from a friend, I am really shocked. What a rotten society we are living in. How people project their minds on us! They won’t even dare to come and talk to me about this.

Sometimes I decide to stay at my friend’s home and come to my home in the morning. And again the gossip: I am not coming home the whole night; surely I am doing some night business. I tell to Osho about all these rumors about us. And His answer is, “It is your fire test. You have not to react, but ignore such people. Be indifferent. One day the truth will reveal itself.”

Tale 66 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

By and by, people have started to understand us. My office people don’t give me any funny looks. Some have started reading Osho’s books and are coming to listen to His discourses also. The whole atmosphere has changed. My boss is no longer angry at me. On the contrary, he helps in whatever way possible.

Morning discourses are arranged in Patkar Hall for eighteen days from 8:30 to 10:00am. Osho is going to speak on Mahavira. My office starts at 9:00am and I have no leave to my credit. I feel desperate and go to see Osho. I tell Osho about my office timings and ask Him what to do. He is never in favor of resigning my job.

He asks me, “What is the name of your boss and how does he look?”

I tell Him the name and describe his personality. I don’t understand at all what Hi is up to. He closes His eyes for a couple of minutes and then tells me to inform my boss that I will be coming at 10:30 for eighteen days. I am surprised. It looks impossible. I tell Osho, “It won’t work. We have a time card punching system in the office. Only one minute late is allowed.” Listening to this, Osho again repeats the same message and asks me to do what Hi is saying.

I go to the office, working out how to put it to my boss. I know him as a very strict man of discipline in the office. My mind says, “He will think that I have lost my sanity, asking for such a concession.”

Somehow, I gather courage and go to see him. He greets me with a smile on his face, which is very unusual, and asks me what he can do for me. Hesitantly, I ask him if I can come one hour late in the morning and work one hour more in the evening for a few days. To my great astonishment, he says he has seen the advertisement in the paper and knows that Osho speaking from 8:30 to 10:00 every morning for eighteen days. Then he asks me, “How will you manage to reach by 10:00 in the office?” I tell him, “I will leave the discourse a little early and will manage to reach by taxi.”

He laughs and says, “There is no need to leave the discourse early. You can come by 10:30 and don’t punch your time card. I will take care of it and don’t sit late also.”

I can’t believe my ears! What a miracle! I am sure that Osho has done some telepathy with this man which I can’t conceive.

When I tell Osho about this, he laughs and does not comment on it. I think He is not in favor of making any gossip about His miraculous powers.

Tale 64 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho has started speaking every evening from 8:00pm at His apartment in Woodlands. Sometimes discourse goes on for a couple of hours. It takes me more than an hour to reach my home in the suburbs. It is quite an odd time. There are hardly any women traveling by local train at that late hour. Men give me funny looks and sometimes pass ugly remarks. But at any cost, I don’t want to miss His discourse.

As usual, I am going back home by local train and for some reason the train stops between two stations nearly half an hour. I am getting worried. It is going to be too late tonight. By the time the train reaches Andheri station it is already 11:45pm.

I walk out of the station and wait at the bus stop. One man standing by my side starts talking to me very gently and offers me a lift in a taxi. First I hesitate, but finding no other way, I agree to it. He hires a taxi and opens the door for me. I enter first and he sits by my side. As the taxi starts, he puts his arm around me and tells me to introduce myself. I can smell his vibe and feel myself stupid for accepting his offer. My mind stops working. I don’t know what to do now. He comes more close and says I look tired. If I would like to eat and have some drink first… I gather myself together and tell him, “It is too late, I want to go straight home.” He laughs and whispers in my ear, “tonight, you are not going home.” He presses my hand. I simply freeze and remember Osho. To my utter surprise, suddenly something clicks. I become very much aware and tell him, “Yes please. I am feeling very hungry. Let us get down here and have some food.” He asks the taxi driver to stop and we get out of the taxi. He is looking at the meter to pay the taxi fare. And really a miracle happens. One bus arrives and halts right in front of me. I rush and enter into the bus from the exit door, which the driver does not object to at all. My heart is still throbbing fast in fear, though I have reached home safely. I promise to myself never to take a ride again in my life.

What an incident! But it proves what Osho is saying about our sexually suppressed society.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Tale 63 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

It is evening, peak rush time of vehicles on the roads in Bombay. I am waiting for a taxi to reach Cross Maidan, where Osho is giving discourses on Bhagavadgeeta at 6:30pm. I am getting desperate after waiting for fifteen minutes. So many taxis are passing before me, but all are already occupied. I wonder where all these people are going, why someone is not giving me a ride. It getting too late and I feel frustrated and helpless. As a last chance, I start praying in my heart, asking existence to help me to reach in time for discourse. I relax and let go and the miracle happens. A car stops near me. Someone opens the front door. I peep in.

I can’t believe my eyes. Osho sitting in the back seat greets me with a smile and Ma Laxmi, who is driving, asks me to sit by her side in front. My mind is blown away. There is deep silence in the car and I feel drowned in it. My eyes close with gratitude and tears start flowing.

In a few minutes we reach Cross Maidan. I get out of the car and rush to touch His feet, but there is already a big group of people surrounding Him. Everyone is touching His feet and He is bending every time to touch their heads. It is too much. So many people are surrounding Him; it is difficult for Him to move even an inch. Laxmi looks at me and we both start pushing people to the sides, and stretch our arms, working like a wall on both His sides. Still two minutes distance takes about ten minutes for Him to reach the podium. He greets the audience with folded hands and sits cross-legged in Buddha posture with His eyes closed. I find my place in the front row on the ground. I look at Him. There is no sign of any tiredness on His face. He looks so fresh and luminous like an angel who has just arrived on the earth.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Tale 62 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Osho is giving discourses on Mahavira at Patkar Hall in Bombay. It is the eighteen-day religious festival of the Jainas called Paryushan.

Today Osho’s mother and aunt, who have arrived from Gadarwara, will be taking Sannyas before discourse. The auditorium is over-full. Osho has arrived two minutes early today, and after greeting everyone with folded hands, sits in lotus posture with His eyes closed. Suddenly, two elderly women in orange saris, walking through the auditorium, reach to the podium and bow down to Osho. Osho slowly gets up and touches their feet first and then puts Malas around their necks. The whole scene is so touching; many friends in the auditorium start sobbing. It blows my mind away, watching Osho touching the feet of His mother and aunt. I feel as if the sky has come down
to touch the earth. Such a man of heights and so simple and humble, is unbelievable. I guess it has never happened in the past history that a mother gets initiated by her enlightened son. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity of being a witness to this memorable event.