Thursday, April 29, 2010
I decide to talk about it to Osho. I am lost in my thoughts and can’t believe hearing Osho’s soft voice calling me. I open my eyes and find Him standing near my bed. I try to sit up but can’t. I feel frozen. There is a little space near my pillow where He sits and places His hand on my forehead. I am touched so deeply, I start crying. When I calm down He asks, “What is the matter? Are you hiding something from me?” Now I can’t hold it anymore and tell Him about this cancerous growth in my left breast. He says, “Where is it exactly?” I take His right hand and place it on the knot. He tells me to relax and close my eyes.
I go into a deep relaxation and feel some hot flow of energy coming out of His hand and entering into my body. He sits silently for few moments and then takes His hand away. He assures me that there is nothing wrong and I should not worry about it. I try to get up but He says, “Lie down for awhile,” and leaves me alone. I start crying again silently in gratitude and fall into sleep unknowingly. In the morning I feel very fresh when I wake up. I touch my breast and there is no knot. I am sure He has dissolved the knot with His divine healing energy.
When I reach Bombay and show it to my doctor, he is surprised, and wants to know how it happened.
I talk about the healing power of Osho which He always denies. Osho never claims to heal anybody but I know many more friends who are healed by His divine touch.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
While Osho is in the bathroom, the cook of the house brings a cup, half full of some green juice. He says, “It is neem juice and Osho drinks it first thing in the morning.” He leaves the cup on the table.
When Osho comes out of the bathroom, I tell Him about neem juice in the cup. He says, I used to drink it, but now I have stopped it. It purifies the blood--and you can drink it.” I take a drop on my hand and taste it. It is very bitter. I tell Osho, “It is very bitter.” He says, “Just hold your breath for a moment and drink it in one gulp.” I do it like an obedient child and He makes me drink it for all the three days and tells me to continue it at my home also.
I continue it for about two months until one day an old woman tells me that neem juice should not be taken for more than a week. She is surprised to hear that I have taking it for two months. She says, “It is your master who has saved you. Otherwise, it can be very harmful.” I feel this was Osho’s message through that woman to stop drinking the neem juice.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
We are staying with a very orthodox Jaina family in Ahmedabad. Osho has dinner by 6:00pm before He goes to evening discourse. These days He has been reading late into the night and I tell Him, “Osho, you are eating dinner so early, you will be hungry in the night.” He simply smiles.
At 11:00pm, Kranti tells me that Osho wants to eat. I am puzzled. What to do now? I tell her, I will go to the kitchen and see if I can arrange some food.” Very silently, like a cat, I enter the kitchen. There are lots of containers in a row on the shelf above the kitchen counter. I am confused. There is no label on them. I close my eyes, stand silently for a couple of moments and follow my intuition. I take one plate and start to open the containers whichever I feel to open. To my surprise, I am getting all types of snacks which Osho likes. I am excited and try to get a few more kinds of snacks.
Suddenly I find the housewife standing near me and she asks what I am doing. I simply freeze. She is a very orthodox Jaina woman who believes eating in the night is a great sin and is already against Osho. I gather my courage and tell her, “I am hungry and I want to eat something.” She gets furious and starts dumping more containers before me and asks me to eat everything. There is nothing to say and I walk out of the kitchen with my plate. She starts following me.
I enter Osho’s room, where He is sitting in a chair reading some book. I put the plate on the little table in front of the chair and sit on the floor. Somehow I feel like protecting Osho that He doesn’t eat in the night. I tell Kranti and tell her, “Let us eat.” We both start eating while this woman is standing there watching us. She is very tense. To divert her mind, I ask her, “Who prepares all these delicious snacks? They are very tasty.” She doesn’t reply. By now, Osho also put His book away and joins us in eating. I can see this woman bubbling with anger. Not finding any words, finally she leaves.
I tell Osho what had happened in the kitchen and He laughs and laughs like a child and tells me, “Tomorrow, tell her that we don’t want to go to heaven. We are preparing for going to hell by committing all kinds of sins.” I crack up with laughter which releases all my tension and we enjoy eating all kinds of snacks until the plate is totally empty.
Monday, April 26, 2010
It is afternoon. Osho is sitting in an easy chair on the balcony--it is spring time. There is a huge mango tree near by, and a cuckoo is singing continuously. Her song deepens the silence even more.
Osho asks me if I know whether this cuckoo is male or female. I have no idea and never even thought about it, but I say, “It is a male.” Osho asks how I know and I tell Him, “I really don’t know--I just said it.”
He says, “It is a male bird. it is always the male who calls: the female waits.” Then we hear another cuckoo calling.
“Listen to this,” says Osho. “This is the female responding to the first call. If you listen carefully you will find the difference.”
I forgot about the cuckoo’s call: I am astonished at this great insight of my master.
After His morning bath, Osho likes to have toast and tea for His breakfast. He is sitting on the sofa--a little table is placed before Him. He is wearing a white lunghi and the upper part of His body is Naked. He wraps a shawl around only when He goes out. He is looking so fresh and beautiful--like a pink rose in full bloom. I bring toast and tea on a tray, place it on the table and sit on the floor opposite Him. As I fill the cup with tea, He asks me, “Where is yours?”
I say, “Osho, I don’t drink tea.”
He laughs and says, “Meditation is not possible without drinking tea. Tea keeps the meditators awake” -- and tells me the story of Bodhidharma who plucked his eyelids and threw them away because he was feeling sleepy while meditating. The first tea leaves grew from them.
Seeing my reluctance to have tea, Osho fills the other cup and asks me to try it. I drink it slowly and like it and I tell Him it tastes really good. He gives me another cup and says, “One cup won’t do; you have to drink two cups every morning.”
I ask Him, “How about if the cup is big?”
He says, “ The size of the cup does not matter: two cups of tea every morning!”
I ask Him, “What is the secret of two cups?”
He says, “It is a Zen koan for you!”
Next morning, at breakfast, He asks me, “Did you find the answer to the Zen koan?”
I say, “Maybe: one cup for me, and one in the name of my beloved.”
He says, “You have come close to the answer but not exactly.”
Every one present there enjoys this tea ceremony with much laughter.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
There is only one common bathroom in this apartment with no running hot water. I wake up early and arrange two buckets of hot water in the bathroom for Osho.
He comes out of His room, washes His face and slowly dries it with a little napkin. I take out His tooth brush, apply paste to it and give it to Him. He greets me with a smile, thanking me for this little act. He takes the brush with such tenderness and love, as if it were a living being, and starts brushing His teeth very slowly and gently.
These days He is using “Signal” toothpaste, which is new on the market. This tube is almost finished; still keep it on the little shelf near the sink. After washing His mouth, He goes to the bathroom. To my surprise I find that He has dropped the tube in the trash bin near the sink. I think, “Unless I get a new tube, how can this be thrown away?” I take it out of the trash bin and put it back on the shelf. Later, I ask a friend to buy a new tube of Signal toothpaste, but for some reason I have not received it, and when the next day I apply the toothpaste from the same tube, Osho looks at it, laughs and says, “So you have saved the tube!”
I feel He does not like to press the tube hard, but what can I do? Until the new tube arrives I want to hold on to it. Somehow I manage to use this tube for three days until we leave Ahmedabad.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
In Ahmedabad, arrangements are being made for Osho to stay in an empty apartment, which is kept ready for guests only. It is on the first floor, opposite Champakbhai’s apartment. It has two bed rooms--one bedroom is air conditioned with quite a comfortable bed in it. In the other room there are mattresses on the floor. I like the place. There is quite a big open balcony attached to the rooms. Osho feels more comfortable in the air conditioned room and goes to bed early. Kranti, who is taking care of Him, arranges her bed in His room. Tomorrow morning at eight o’clock He is going to start His series of discourses on the Bhagwadgeeta.
There are four more friends from Bombay who have come with us from Udaipur. They have expressed their wish to stay there overnight and leave tomorrow morning. Osho has agreed to it and I also don’t see any problem in it. After a little gossip I arrange my bed in one of the corners of the room and these four friends, all male, arrange their mattresses in a row and go to sleep.
Hearing a knock on the door, I get up and open it. The host enters and has come to check how we are sleeping. Seeing me alone with four men in the same room he asks, “Where is the other woman?”
I tell him, “She is Osho’s sister, and is sleeping in his room.”
I can see how angry and upset he is. He tells me with his voice raised, “This wont do in my room. Either you go and sleep in Osho’s room, or bring Kranti out to sleep in your room.”
I am simply surprised and confused, not knowing how to deal with this man. I tell him, “I don’t want to disturb Osho--He is already sleeping.”
He leaves, and maybe after consulting with his wife, he comes back again. He looks very disturbed and tells me I can’t sleep in the same room with the four men but instead I can sleep in his children’s room. To avoid unnecessary discussion I agree to it, and sleep on the floor in the room where his two children were already sleeping in their beds. I lie down and start thinking, “What a rotten society we are living in. These sexually suppressed people project their minds on us and think they are moral, civilized and cultured people and that we are misbehaving.”
When I tell Osho about this episode, He says to Jayantibhai that arrangements for His staying should not be made in the house of people who have never heard Him and don’t know Him: “They unnecessarily suffer and create trouble for others too.”
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The plane strike is over and we go by plane from Udaipur to Ahmedabad. It is my first experience of traveling by plane. Osho enters the plane and I follow Him; He sits by the window and I sit next to Him. I tell Him, “I am traveling by plane for the first time, and I am scared.” In the meantime an air hostess comes with a tray. Osho picks up one little packet and opens it: there is cotton inside. He breaks it in two pieces and giving me one says, “Put it in your ears and when the plane takes off just close your eyes and look inside. It is a good opportunity to meditate.”
Then He shows me how to fix the belt. It is about half an hour’s flight, and one which I will never forget. I close my eyes when the plane starts-it is really a unique experience when it takes off. I feel as if I am transported into another world. After a few moments I open my eyes and look outside the window: our plane is passing through the clouds and I am thrilled and overjoyed with the experience.
I look at Osho: He is sitting like a beautiful marble statue with closed eyes, no movement of any kind. I don’t know what to say, “He is totally present t - or totally absent.” Surely He is not sleeping.
As the plane lands at Ahmedabad airport, He opens His eyes, unites His belt, and asks me, “How was it?”
I say, “Osho, It was great-I really enjoyed it.” I say to myself, “It is better to travel by plane one time than traveling by trains ten times.” I wonder if He heard it-He just looks at me and smiles.
Monday, April 19, 2010
In the morning discourse I am sitting very close to Him, recording His discourse on my little cassette recorder. I don’t even know about extension cords. I tie my little microphone wire to His mike as usual and sit down.
Today something amazing is happening: as He starts speaking, I feel I know beforehand word for word what He is going to say. Later when I tell Him about this experience He says, “It is called synchronicity with the master. Before the words are spoken, they are in the shape of thoughts arising in consciousness like ripples. If someone is silent, he can catch the thoughts before the word--it is very simple.” Then He adds that I should not pay much attention to thoughts but watch the source from where they are arising. He explains the whole process in such a simple way so that while listening there is a clear glimpse of it.
The teachings of Gautam Buddha have created two kinds of seekers: one is called Arhata and the other is called Bodhisattva.
The arhata is someone who makes every effort to become enlightened and once he is enlightened he completely forgets about those who are still groping in the dark. He has no concern with others. It is enough for him to become enlightened. In fact, according to the arhatas, even the great idea of compassion is nothing but again another kind of attachment -- and it has some significance to be understood.
Compassion is also a relationship; howsoever beautiful and great, it is also a concern with others. It is also a desire. Although it is a good desire it makes no difference. According to the arhatas, desire is a bondage whether it is good or bad. The chains can be made of gold or of steel, it doesn't matter; chains are chains. Compassion is a golden chain. The arhata insists that nobody can help anybody else at all. The very idea of helping others is based on wrong foundations. You can help only yourself.
It may occur to the ordinary mind that the Arhata is very selfish. But if you look without any prejudice, perhaps he also has something immensely important to declare to the world: Even helping the other is an interference in his life, in his lifestyle, in his destiny, in his future. Hence, arhatas don't believe in any compassion. Compassion to them is another beautiful desire to keep you tethered to the world of attachments. It is another name -- beautiful, but still just a name for a desiring mind.
Why should you be interested that somebody else becomes enlightened? It is none of your business. Everybody has absolute freedom to be himself. The Arhata insists on individuality and its absolute freedom. Even for the sake of good, nobody can be allowed to interfere in anybody else's life. Hence the moment he becomes enlightened, the Arhata does not accept disciples, he never preaches, he never helps in any way. He simply lives in his ecstasy. If somebody on his own can drink out of his well he will not prevent him, but he will not send an invitation to you.
If you come to him on your own accord and sit by his side and drink his presence, and get on the path, that is your business. If you go astray, he will not stop you. In a certain way this is the greatest respect ever paid to individual freedom -- to the very logical extreme. Even if you are falling into deep darkness, the arhata will silently wait. If his presence can help, it is okay, but he is not going to move his hands to help you, to give you a hand, to pull you out of a ditch. You are free to fall in a ditch and if you can fall in a ditch, you are absolutely capable of getting out of it.
The very idea of compassion is foreign to the philosophy of the Arhatas. Gautam Buddha accepted that there are a few people who will become Arhatas. And their path will be called Hinayana, "the small vehicle," the small boat in which only one person can go to the other shore. He does not bother to create a big ship and collect a crowd in a Noah's Ark and take them to the further shore. He simply goes himself in his small boat, which cannot even contain two. He is born alone in the world, he has lived and died millions of times alone in the world; alone he is going to the universal source.
Buddha accepts and respects the way of the Arhata -- but he also knows there are people who have immense compassion and when they become enlightened, their first longing is to share their joy, to share their truth. Compassion is their way. They also have some profound truth. These people are called bodhisattvas. They provoke and invite others to the same experience. And they wait on this shore as long as possible to help all seekers who are ready to move on the path, and who just need a guide; they need a helping hand.
The bodhisattva can postpone his going to the further shore out of compassion for blind people groping in darkness. Buddha had such a comprehensive and vast perception that he accepted both -- that this is simply the nature of a few people to be arhatas, and it is also simply the nature of a few other people to be bodhisattvas. And this is the standpoint of Gautam Buddha, that such is the case, nothing can be done about it -- an arhata will be an arhata and a bodhisattva will be a bodhisattva.
Their natures have different destinies, although they reach to the same goal finally. But after reaching the goal there is a parting of the ways. The arhatas don't stay on this shore even for a single moment. They are tired, they have been long enough in this wheel of Samsara, moving through birth and death millions of times. It has already been too much. They are bored and they don't want to stay even a single minute more. Their boat has arrived, and immediately they start moving towards the further shore. This is their suchness.
And there are bodhisattvas who can tell the boatman, "Wait, there is no hurry. I have lingered on this shore long enough -- in misery, in suffering, in anguish, in agony. Now all that has disappeared. I am in absolute bliss, silence and peace, and I don't see that there is anything more on the other shore. So as long as I can manage, I will be here to help people."
Gautam Buddha is certainly one of those people who can see the truth even in contradictions. He accepts both without making anybody feel lower or higher. But bodhisattvas call their path -- against the path of the arhatas -- Mahayana, "the great vehicle," the great ship. The other is just a small boat. Poor fellows, they simply go alone. And there has been a continuous conflict for twenty-five centuries after Gautam Buddha, between these two different approaches.
Source ~ "Bodhidharma: The Greatest Zen Master" by Osho
Sunday, April 18, 2010
"It is very hot in the afternoon and Osho is resting on His cot after lunch; everyone else has gone out. I close the latch of the door and sit on the floor near His cot and start fanning Him with a little hand fan. After a while He opens His eyes and says, “Stop fanning and go to sleep.”
I feel maybe He is thinking I am tired; but I am really enjoying it--making Him a little comfortable. I tell Him, “It is very hot and I can continue to fan you.”
He says, “Just accept the situation and there is no problem.” He closes His eyes again; I stop fanning Him and slowly move away. I can see curious people jumping and peeping in at the windows which have no curtains. I watch Him--He is resting like an emperor on His golden throne.
In the night I take His mattress to the terrace and make a bed for Him on the floor. It is quite cool there and He likes to sleep under the sky, and tells us also to sleep there and enjoy the stars and moon. "
Thursday, April 15, 2010
It is lunch time, and we are all sitting with Osho around a rectangular dining table. It seems that the friends who have arranged this camp are very poor--the quality of food they are serving is very poor. The dal is almost as liquid as water, and crushed rice (the left over little pieces that is sold at a cheaper rate after refining the rice) is cooked and I can see little black stones in it.
I am sitting next to Osho, who is very excited and has already started eating. I am surprised to see the expression on His face: He is eating with such delight, as if eating some delicious food. One old man is standing next to Him with a box of some cheap Indian sweet called laddoo. He places one laddoo on Osho’s plate, which Osho accepts with a pleasant smile. The man is pleased and places one more laddoo on His plate. Osho says nothing to Him, but silently takes the laddoo and places it on my plate.
I immediately say, “ Osho, I don’t want it!”
He chuckles and says, “Don’t say ‘no’; just pass it on to the next person.” I like the idea and do it. The next friend, who has heard Osho’s words, passes it on to the next person. Everyone cracks up in laughter when finally the laddoo returns to the old man’s box.
Osho always enjoys telling jokes while eating. Eating with Him turns into a great feast--it doesn’t matter what you are eating. Today He tells this joke: One day Akbar slapped his court jester Birbal without any apparent reason, and Birbal just slapped the person standing next to him. The person got angry and asked Birbal why he had slapped him.
Birbal replied, “Don’t ask--just pass it to the next person.” so this game continued in the palace the whole day, and finally, at night in bed, Akbar’s wife slapped him.
Not to be serious is Osho’s main message which He not only preaches but practices every moment.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
By 7:00pm we reach Udaipur. We are shocked to see that one room on the ground floor has been arranged for Osho and all of us, in a building under construction. There is an Indian cot, made from ropes tied around a wooden frame standing on four legs. A small thin mattress is put on it and is covered with a white sheet. It is the bed arranged for Osho and the rest of us have to sleep in the same room on the floor which is covered with rugs. I am even more shocked to see that there is not even an electric fan. Some bamboo hand fans are kept in one of the corners of the room. From somewhere an electric connection is taken to light an electric bulb. There is a bathroom nearby which is somehow prepared for us to use.
After this whole tedious journey, we relax on the floor and Osho on His cot like a baby in the cradle. Everyone is silent. I am feeling angry inside about the whole situation and not finding any words to express it, I also keep quiet on the surface.
We watch Osho. It seems He has accepted everything joyously. There is no expression of any complaint on His face. After lying down for a few minutes he gets up and walks to the bathroom with His towel hanging on His shoulder. As he leaves we start talking about this mess we are in.
The organizer cannot conceive Osho’s difficulty--he thinks he has made the best arrangements, and there is no bathroom, we become silent. He looks so fresh and radiant--I can’t resist gazing at Him. He looks at us and smiles and site on His cot like a king on his beautiful throne. I think He has some secret key--and I want to steal it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"Osho has arrived from Jabalpur. He has to go to Udaipur by plane. For days Indian Airlines has been on strike and we are hoping that it will be over any moment; but the strike continues. We can’t think of any other alternative for reaching Udaipur and suggest that the meditation camp be postponed for a while. but Osho is determined to reach there in time. We wonder how it can be possible--all train reservations authorities to attach an extra air conditioned compartment with “Gujarat Mail Train” for Ahmedabad and reserve eight sleepers for friends who are going with Him. To our surprise, the officer in charge of reservation, is excited at the idea, look at the waiting list and rush back to inform Osho and other friends to get ready and reach Bombay central Station by 8:00pm.
We are all overjoyed to traveling with Him in the same compartment. Everybody has arrived on time. Osho looks very happy. He is sitting on His sleeper, cross-legged, surrounded by us. He tells us jokes, and the whole compartment is full of laughter. People come to peep in to see what is going on. After a while we leave Him alone and occupy our sleepers.
The train arrives in Ahmedabad on time. After having breakfast at one of the friend’s house, we hire two taxis to reach Udaipur by road. It is very hot. In our deep unconsciousness we don’t even think of having an air conditioned car for Him. It is a long journey of about 6-8 hours. Osho is sitting in the back seat of the taxi with a friend, and I am sitting in front with the driver. I am perspiring and have got a headache watching the dirty, unending road ahead of us.
I look back. Osho is sitting with His eyes closed, as if disconnected from the outside world. I wonder when I will learn to be able to do that--it looks like an impossible task. I feel that somehow I have disturbed Him, and He opens His eyes and asks for a soda. Traveling around continuously in different parts of India, He has stopped drinking water. We stop the taxi. I take out a soda from the big thermos kept in the back and soak a little napkin in cold water.
After He finishes the soda, I give Him the wet napkin to keep on His head. He takes it and does as I suggest, like a small child, and feeling the coolness of it asks me from where I have learnt “all these tricks”! It is so hot, the napkin gets dry within half an hour and I keep replacing it with wet ones until we reach our destination."
Thursday, April 08, 2010
"It is pouring today and Osho has to leave for Poona by the evening flight. He is staying at the CCI chambers in Bombay proper, and it takes at least one hour to reach the airport. We set off at 5:00pm. I sit with Laxmi, who is driving the car, and Taru sits on the back seat with Osho. She is crying for some reason. The car is passing along Peddar Road and I look outside. The construction of “Woodlands” building is over.
I tell Osho, “This building has no thirteenth floor.” He looks at the building and asks Laxmi to inquire if there is any apartment for sale. Laxmi remains silent. I know we don’t have any funds to purchase an apartment.
Laxmi turns the radio on and a voice comes on, “Invest one rupee in lottery ticket and get ten lakhs in a months!”
Osho laughs and tells Taru, “ How about buying a lottery ticket?” Her crying turns into laughter. I don’t know if Taru bought lottery ticket, but we purchased an apartment in Woodlands for Osho. How it was managed, I don’t know.
It is raining very heavily but Laxmi is somehow managing to get her way through the traffic jams, to reach the airport on time. war is going on between India and Pakistan--no lights are allowed to be put on after sunset. Laxmi manages to reach the airport in time and we make ourselves comfortable on sofas in the waiting room.
Today Osho looks pretty exhausted. More friends have arrived at the airport and it is very noisy. There is an announcement that the Poona flight is delayed half an hour, so I go to Osho and ask if He would like some tea and snacks. He agrees to it and says to get some for everybody. There are about ten of us there. Tea and snacks are brought and put on the table in the middle of us. The whole atmosphere becomes festive. We forget about war and blackouts and enjoy eating and drinking tea with Osho.
We become alert as an announcement is made that the Poona flight has been delayed another hour. Now it is too much. It takes only twenty minutes to Poona by plane. We have already traveled an hour by road and now have waited half an hour at the airport. In three hours Osho could have reached Poona by car or train.
We are feeling helpless and I start imagining how nice it would be if Osho has His own little plane. It is such a torture to wait at airports for hours. Osho looks at Laxmi and she says, “Now there is no point in going by road--we have already waited so long.”
Osho sits back and seeing us tense starts telling jokes. The last joke He tells is about Mulla Nasruddin: Mulla is sick and goes to see his doctor. He is waiting and waiting to be called and finally decides to leave. As he gets up the nurse comes in and asks, “Mulla, what happened? Why are you laving?”
Mulla answers, “It is better to die a natural death at home!”
As He finishes the joke, Osho stands, and we are surprised to hear the announcement that the Poona flight will be leaving in ten minutes. We are overjoyed. Osho namastes everyone and starts walking, and I follow Him like a shadow that can’t imagine being separate from Him. We climb the small staircase and then He turns back again and waves His hand in good bye to friends once more."
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
We have come to V.T. station with Osho, who is leaving for Jabalpur. It is a hot summer afternoon. It is 1969. I am standing behind Him, watching how His perspiration is running like a little stream of water from the middle of His back down to His waist. He is wearing a whit lunghi and a shawl wrapped around the upper part of His body: His back is half naked. He is standing with all his beauty and grace like a lion amongst the crowd of sheep who have fallen in love with Him!
The train is about to leave, yet His luggage has not arrived: it was put in another car. We become worried. He is leaving to conduct a meditation camp, and I start wondering how he will manage there without His clothes. Suddenly He turns back and looks at me. I feel ashamed to disturb Him with my doubting mind--He just smiles at me. His trusting, shining eyes are still floating in the air before me as I write. I relaxed and remember His words, “Trust existence.”
The guard blows his whistle again, and Osho gets in the train without His luggage. He stands at the door and looks at everyone with His mischievous smile. Somewhere in my heart I know that the train will not leave till His luggage arrives. We are all waiting there, holding our breath, to see what happens next. How unconsciously we are behaving in the presence of our enlightened master. But His compassion is infinite: He has accepted us as we are and never gives us the feeling of being ignorant or unconscious.
Very slowly the train starts, and to our great surprise we see Ishwarbhai’s driver come running with His suitcase, and pushing everyone aside, he reaches His compartment, and places the suitcase behind Osho, who is still standing at the door to say one more time “Good-bye” to us.
The train pulls out. My heart sinks into silence. I close my eyes and sit at the bench nearby. One of the friends comes and shakes me saying, “Let us go.” I open my eyes and wonder where to go: my heart has already gone with Him. I want to shout to the world, “Here is a Buddha again living among us!”
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I am waiting at a platform at V.T. station to receive Osho who is to arrive from Jabalpur. To my surprise there is no other friend within sight and I start wondering if I have the wrong information about His coming. Still I decide to wait until the train arrives. My eyes are wandering all around for some familiar face, but it is all in vain. I start perspiring--it is very hot. The train will be arriving soon, still no one else has come to receive Him. I doubt that all the friends have decided together to abandon Osho, though there is always controversy around him; He is saying the naked truth, which most people find difficult to swallow. He is mercilessly uprooting everything traditional in India.
I am lost in my thoughts and am shaken by the noise of the train reaching the platform. My heart starts throbbing and my eyes are glued to the air conditioned carriage. One by one passengers start getting down. A few minutes feel like eternity. And there He is! Finally, coming out of the train. I rush toward Him and He gets down from the train. I touch His feet and He blesses me with His hand on my head. I am overjoyed with His presence, and feel as if I am wrapped in an invisible fragrance that is around Him.
He asks, “Where are the other friends?”
I tell Him, “I don’t know why they haven’t come, but I know where you are to stay.” I ask Him if He would like to go by taxi.
He simply says, “ Let us wait--friends will be coming soon.”
I look at His face: there is no sign of any anxiety or hurry. Almost everyone has left the platform except the two of us. Seeing that I look a little worried, He starts telling me jokes and makes me laugh. One part of me is very happy to be alone with Him, and the other part is worrying about Him--having travelled twenty-four hours by train and standing on the platform in such heat. I feel helpless.
Finally, after about half an hour, Ishwarbhai, Lahrubhai and few other friends come running to receive Him. They are also shocked by the whole scene because they were told by railway authorities that the train was half an hour late.
Osho’s great art is to never allow anyone to feel guilty. He greets everyone with such love that no one is serious about what has happened. Laughing and talking with friends He starts walking and I follow Him in wonder, and my heart whispers, “He does not belong to this world.”
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Osho is leaving for Jabalpur from Bombay by train. It is quite crowded and noisy on the platform and there are about fifty of us who have come to see Him off. Some are shaking hands with Him, some are touching His feet, and each time He bends to touch their heads. Some are standing silently, looking at Him with their eyes full of tears, and Osho comes near them and hugs them and tells them not to be sad, He will be coming back soon. Their tears overflow with His touch, but their faces are full of smiles. Tears and smiles is an everyday scene around Osho.
Suddenly we are shaken by the guard’s whistle and there is a signal that the train is about to leave. Osho gets in the train and stands at the door with His hands folded in namaste. He beckons me to come near Him. I get up on the footstep of the train and He shows me with His outstretched hand, pointing to a far away corner where a friend is standing, and ask me to bring her.
I hesitate and say, “ Osho, the train is about to leave”.
He very firmly says, “No, it won’t leave. Just go and bring her”.
I rush to the corner, pushing aside hundreds of people on my way and to my surprise when I reach there, it is Ma Tao standing there weeping and sobbing like a small child who has lost her mother. I grab her by the hand and rush back to the train. It must have taken me at least five minutes to get back to Osho--and there He is standing at the door of His air conditioned compartment to receive her.
He places His hand on her head and assures her that He will be coming back soon, she should not cry. And again, this “tears and smiles” on Tao’s face, her little eyes are shining like stars. I can see how He is pouring all His love just by the touch of His hand, and it is as if we devotees start drinking the water of eternal life from His well.
He looks around at everyone more time and waves His hand in a good-bye and it is as if he tells the train driver, “Now you can start!” The train slowly starts moving and there He is standing at the door, with us all looking at Him, till the train vanishes from our sight. We hug each other and silently start leaving the platform with our hearts heavy but hoping to see Him again soon.
I remember a Zen haiku:
“You, before me standing,
Oh! my eternal self!
Since my first glimpse
you have been my secret love.”
Thursday, April 01, 2010
It is 8:55pm. As I am passing through the entrance gate of the building a car coming out of the gate stops near me. I am so engrossed in my thinking I don’t pay any attention to it. Suddenly I hear Osho’s voice calling me from the car. He is sitting in the back seat near the window.
I rush towards Him.
He says, “I am going out for about half an hour--wait,” and asks me if I know the apartment where He will be. I answer, “Yes, I know it.” The car passes by and I stand there a couple of minutes looking at it as it vanishes from my sight. I take a deep breath and enter the building--it has many wings and I don’t know which way to go. Now I realize why He was asking me if I know the apartment. After wandering stupidly in all the wings, I feel angry with myself for not being true to my master in my unawareness. It takes me twenty minutes to find the right wing.
I press the call button and this same woman, whom I spoke to on the phone, opens the door and recognizing me feels very sorry for me, for not telling me the complete address. She hugs me and takes me by the hand into quite a big living room, where eight to ten people are already sitting on sofas, gossiping about different things. The atmosphere is very light; no one looks serious except me I feel myself alien in that group, sitting quietly in a corner waiting for my master.
Exactly after ten minutes Osho arrives and we all stand up. He smiles and greets everyone with folded hands in namaste as He passes into another room. Immediately I am called into the room. Again this unknown fear grabs me as I enter; I feel scared, like a little insect going near a fire which will burn him. But this magnetic pull of fire is much greater than the fear.
I see Him sitting on the bed in the lotus posture drinking some juice, and I sit opposite Him at a little distance, my legs hanging down from the bed. He finishes His drink, puts the glass aside on the little table near the bed and wipes His mouth with a little white napkin, gives me a smile and asks me to come closer.
He places His right hand on my chest and His left hand on my head. My chattering mind stops, I am transported into a space unknown to me. Tears roll down from my eyes and my body starts bending towards Him. I start sobbing like a little kid with my head in His lap.
In a couple of minutes he takes away His hands and asks me,” Come back slowly.” I calm down, raise my head and look into His eyes. They are shimmering like little stars in the vast blue sky. I feel relieved of this unknown fear and pain of separation.
He chuckles and tells me to do vipassana meditation every morning for an hour, and I can meet Him whenever He is in Bombay. I touch His feet and walk out of the room feeling that today He has initiated me as His disciple.
Osho has already resigned from the university as a professor. He is traveling around India conducting meditation camps and giving public discourses on open grounds to fifteen to twenty thousand people at a time. He is very fiery. He is roaring fearlessly like a lion, uprooting everything traditional in India. Bombay has become His main centre of work, through he is still staying in Jabalpur. On many occasions He is travelling by train from Jabalpur to Bombay and staying there as a guest in some friend’s home till He gets connecting flights for His destination. He is travelling the same way while going back to Jabalpur. Bombay friends are fortunate to meet Him very often.
Most of the time Osho was travelling alone before I met Him. After meeting Him, I never wanted to miss any opportunity of being with Him, and He allowed it. It is such a blessing to be responds to the different situations clearly shows His love and compassion towards existence.
The way He sits on the chair, as if the chair is a living being and he doesn’t want to hurt it, and when He gets up he looks at the chair with gratitude for making Him comfortable. Just walking, He walks so gently and gracefully, as if not to hurt the earth under His feet. He eats with such gratitude, which is so apparent in His eyes when He looks at the food. What to say about plants, animals and human beings? He is never in favour of pruning the plants, unless it is needed for their growth. He has to stop talking to friends in His garden because they start plucking the lawn while sitting there. Osho is against picking the flowers too.
Once I hear Him say, “You love your children--you don’t remove their heads, If you really love flowers you will never pick them. You murder them by picking them--it is a kind of violence towards flowers. Enjoy the beauty from a distance, but don’t try to possess it.”
At another occasion, He is looking out from the window towards the fields--it is evening time. Far away a man is shouting and hitting a cow with a stick. Osho says, “Look at that stupid man! The cow is going by herself, he is unnecessarily torturing her.” I can feel His compassion for the cow. I feel Him like a heavy cloud, full of water, showering His love on all those who come in contact with Him.
In one of the discourses I hear Him say, “I am a gardener: I go on throwing seeds all around, without even looking where they are landing. I have in abundance. When the right season comes, some of them will sprout and will become huge trees, full of flowers, spreading their fragrance and giving shadow to whoever passes under them.”