Osho's Quotes on "Relationship"

Buddha says the greatest joy in life is freedom: freedom from all prejudices, freedom from all scriptures, freedom from all concepts and ideologies, freedom from all desires, freedom from all possessiveness and jealousy, freedom from all hatred, anger, rage, lust... in short, freedom from everything, so that you are just a pure consciousness, unbounded, unlimited. That is the greatest joy, and it is possible -- it is within everybody's grasp. You just have to grope for it a little. The groping will be in the dark, but it is not far away. If you try, if you make an effort, you are bound to find it. It is your birthright.

The Dhammapada: The Way of The Buddha Vol. 6

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An alive relationship is always changing. It has many climates, many moods. It has many surprises. A dead relationship remains stagnant. It is repetitive, it is the same, but then it is no more a relationship. Then you are not two persons, you are two things together. Of course two things never quarrel. The quarrel arises when two persons enter.

Darshan Diaries – A Rose Is A Rose

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Be together but don't ask for absolute togetherness. Avoid the absolute; everything is relative. Be a little more free and your relationship can go a long way, mm? Because if you are not creating trouble for him and he is not creating trouble for you, then there is nothing to disturb your relationship.

Darshan Diaries – The 99 Names Of Nothingness

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Each relationship is a mirror. It reflects you. How can you know yourself without the mirror? There is no way. Others' eyes become mirror-like, and when somebody loves you, that mirror is very, very sympathetic towards you; very, very happy with you; delighted with you. In those delighted eyes you are reflected and for the first time a certain acceptability arises.

Dang Dang Doko Dang

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First be, then you can relate -- and remember, to relate is beautiful. Relationship is a totally different phenomenon; relationship is something dead, fixed, a full point has arrived. You get married to a woman; a full point has arrived. Now things will only decline. You have reached the limit, nothing is growing any more. The river has stopped and it is becoming a reservoir. Relationship is already a thing, complete; relating is a process. Avoid relationships, and go deeper and deeper into relating.

The Book Of Wisdom

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No relationship can satisfy, because every relationship begins with great hope, and that is not possible to be fulfilled. Yes, that hope can be fulfilled, but it can be fulfilled only when you have fallen in love with the whole. No part can fulfill it. When you have fallen in love with the total, when the merger happens with the total, only then will there be contentment. There will be nobody who is contented, there will be simply contentment. And then there is no end to it.

The Book Of Wisdom

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Every relationship is only an arrow towards the ultimate relationship; it is a milestone, it is not a goal. Every love affair is just an indication of a bigger love affair ahead -- just a little taste, but that little taste is not going to quench your thirst or satisfy your hunger. On the contrary, that little taste will make you more thirsty, will make you more hungry. That's what happens in every relationship. Rather than giving you contentment, it gives you a tremendous discontentment. Each relationship fails in this world -- and it is good that it fails; it would have been a curse if it was not so. It is a blessing that it fails.

The Book Of Wisdom

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Relationship means something complete, finished, closed. Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues. It is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun. And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? -- because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security, relationship has a certainty. Relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? And we are so afraid that we want to make it certain, we want to make it predictable. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we don't allow it freedom to have its own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun.

The Book Of Wisdom

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Relationship is ugly, relating is beautiful. Relationship is one thing, interdependence totally another. Relationship means you are separate; you are independent and so is the other, and you decide to relate. Relationship is not interdependence, it is a contract between two independent persons. Hence all relationships are false, because basically independence is false. Nobody is independent -- and if you are not independent how can you relate? With whom can you relate?

The Book Of Wisdom

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A musical oneness... such a deep love that it consumes your ego. There are not two persons in relationship but only a harmonious whole, an energy field.

Beyond Enlightenment

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That must be the basic responsibility of every alert being: Before I move in any relationship I must be unburdened. I should not carry a hangover; only then can I help the other to grow. Otherwise I will exploit, and the other will exploit me! Otherwise I will try to dominate and the other will try to dominate me. And it will not be a relationship, it cannot be love, it will be a subtle politics.

And The Flowers Showered

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And we are so bothered about these things which are NOT. You are too bothered if you are ugly. You are too bothered if you are beautiful. The worry is created by something which is not. A relative thing is NOT. It is just a relationship, as if you have drawn a design in the sky, a flower of air. Even a bubble in water is more substantial than relativities. Who are you if you are alone? Nobody. Somebodiness comes in relationship with somebody.

And The Flowers Showered

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But as you become more and more aware of MANY people, as you become related to many people, one thing becomes absolutely clear to you: that ALL men are alike -- almost alike -- so are all women. Then settling starts. Then you start settling with one woman, with one man, in a more intimate relationship.

Ah, This!

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There are two types of relationship: one is of fight, fear, hatred -- this creates ego -- the other is of love, compassion, sympathy. These are the two types of relationship. Wherever love is, fight ceases, ego drops. This is why you cannot love. It is difficult, because to love means to drop the ego, to drop yourself. Love means not to be.

A Bird On The Wings

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Between the friend and the enemy there is not much difference. With the friend your relationship is love-hate, and with the enemy, your relationship is hate-love. That's the only difference -- just the difference of emphasis. Love on top and hate hidden behind it -- it is friendship. Hate has come on top and love has gone behind it -- it is enmity.

I Say Unto You

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I am against all kinds of relationships. For example, I don't like the word "friendship," but I love the word "friendliness." Friendliness is a quality in you, friendship again becomes a relationship.

The Hidden Splendour

Osho's Jokes

"Dorothy, your boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, seems very bashful," said Mama to her daughter.

"Bashful!" echoed the daughter, "bashful is no name for it."

"Why don't you encourage him a little more? Some men have to be taught how to do their courting. He's a good catch."

"Encourage him!" said the daughter, "he cannot take the most palpable hint. Why, only last night when I sat all alone on the sofa, he perched up in a chair as far away as he could get. I asked him if he didn't think it strange that a man's arm and a woman's waist seemed always to be the same length, and what do you think he did?"

"Why, just what any sensible man would have done -- tried it."

"NO," said the daughter. "HE ASKED ME IF I COULD FIND A PIECE OF STRING SO WE COULD MEASURE AND SEE IF IT WAS SO."

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"There just is not any justice in this world," said Mulla Nasrudin to a friend. "I used to be a 97-pound weakling, and whenever I went to the beach with my girl, this big 197-pound bully came over and kicked sand in my face. I decided to do something about it, so I took a weight-lifting course and after a while I weighed 197 pounds."

"So what happened?" his friend asked.

"WELL, AFTER THAT," said Nasrudin, "WHENEVER I WENT TO THE BEACH WITH MY GIRL, A 257-POUND BULLY KICKED SAND IN MY FACE."

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"What's the best way to teach a girl to swim?" a friend asked Mulla Nasrudin.

"First you put your left arm around her waist," said the Mulla. "Then you gently take her left hand and..."

"She's my sister," interrupted the friend.

"OH, THEN PUSH HER OFF THE DOCK," said Nasrudin.

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Mulla Nasrudin said to his girlfriend. "What do you say we do something different tonight, for a change?"

"O.K.," she said. "What do you suggest?"

"YOU TRY TO KISS ME," said Nasrudin, "AND I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE!"

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"What do you want with your old letters?" the girl asked her ex-boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin. "I have given you back your ring. Do you think I am going to use your letters to sue you or something?"

"OH, NO," said Nasrudin, "IT'S NOT THAT. I PAID A FELLOW TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS TO WRITE THEM FOR ME AND I MAY WANT TO USE THEM OVER AGAIN."

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"What made you quarrel with Mulla Nasrudin?"

"Well, he proposed to me again last night."

"Where was the harm in it?"

"MY DEAR, I HAD ACCEPTED HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE."

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"And are mine the only lips, Mulla, you have kissed?" asked she.

"YES," said Nasrudin, "AND THEY ARE THE SWEETEST OF ALL."

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"Well, Nasrudin, my boy," said his uncle, "my congratulations! I hear you are engaged to one of the pretty Noyes twins."

"Rather!" replied Mulla Nasrudin, heartily.

"But," said his uncle, "how on earth do you manage to tell them apart?"

"OH," said Nasrudin. "I DON'T TRY!"

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Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards.

The salesman said, "Here's a nice one -- "TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED."

"WONDERFUL," said Nasrudin. "I WILL TAKE SIX."

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The young lady had said she would marry him, and Mulla Nasrudin was holding her tenderly. "I wonder what your folks will think," he said. "Do they know that I write poetry?"

"Not yet, Honey," she said. "I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT YOUR DRINKING AND GAMBLING, BUT I THOUGHT I'D BETTER NOT TELL THEM EVERYTHING AT ONCE."

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Mulla Nasrudin had just asked his newest girlfriend to marry him. But she seemed undecided.

"If I should say no to you" she said, "would you commit suicide?"

"THAT," said Nasrudin gallantly, "HAS BEEN MY USUAL PROCEDURE."

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Mulla Nasrudin complained to the health department about his brothers.

"I have got six brothers," he said. "We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There's no air in the room and it's terrible! You have got to do something about it."

"Have you got windows?" asked the man at the health department.

"Yes," said the Mulla.

"Why don't you open them?" he suggested.

"WHAT?" yelled Nasrudin, "AND LOSE ALL MY PIGEONS?"

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A patent medicine salesman at the fair was shouting his claims for his Rejuvenation Elixir. "If you don't believe the label, just look at me," he shouted. "I take it and I am 300 years old."

"Is he really that old?" asked a farmer of the salesman's young assistant, Mulla Nasrudin.

"I REALLY DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin. "YOU SEE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR 180 YEARS."

Osho's Quotes

If you look at Mahavir, I am a Jain. Mahavir is a religious man, not because he is born in a religion. He searched. He enquired. He encountered reality. He threw all dogmas. He threw all civilization. Even clothes he threw away, because they, too, are a part of the civilization and the culture; and they, too, carry the society with you. He remained naked. For twelve years he completely stopped talking, because if you go on talking, you use the language of the society, and that language carries the germs of the society.

Until You Die

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Mahavir also means the great warrior. We have called 'Mahavir' only those who attained samadhi. We do not call a person a conqueror just because he has scaled Everest or reached the moon, it is a courageous act but these are not the ultimate heights to be reached. We call him a Viresh, a Mahavir, who has attained the soul. What Everest can be higher than God? He who attains the ultimate is a Mahavir, a great warrior. We accept nothing less. What if you have reached the moon? It has merely opened new vistas for exploration: Mars, Jupiter, and so on and so forth. The universe is boundless!

We call him Mahavir who has reached where there is no further to go. Why do we refer to him as Mahavir? Because there is no act more courageous than the act of attaining one's own self. There is no journey that calls for such courage and fearlessness as the journey to the self. Because the path is full of difficulties that are encountered nowhere else. It requires the maximum austerity.

The Great Path

Osho World celebrates Buddha Purnima Week from 30th April - 6th May, 2004.

Osho World is dedicating a week to the enlightened mystic Buddha from 30th April - 6th May, 2004 at the galleria.

Osho World pays deep respect to Buddha as expounded by Osho, during the week through daily meditations and events.

Everyone is invited to meditate and celebrate at Osho World Galleria, BG-09, Ansal Plaza, Khelgaon Marg, New Delhi.

`Buddha' simply means the awakened one. Anyone who becomes awakened, enlightened, is the buddha. You are also the buddha; the only difference is that you are not aware of it. You have never looked inside yourself and found the buddha there.
Your very life source is nothing but enlightenment.

Discourse Series
Bodhidharma: The Greatest Zen Master
Chapter #5 Chapter Title: Suchness is our self-nature

Osho's Quotes

It is related of Mahavir that he decided to leave his home. But his mother was alive, so she said, "Do not go, do not renounce, unless I die. Do not ask again about renouncing the world. You talk of love and you talk of non-violence, but if you renounce the world it will be killing me, murdering me. So do not talk about it!" But even the mother was surprised, because then Mahavir never talked about it. The whole family was surprised. What type of renunciation, what type of sannyas, was this? Only once Mahavir talked of it; then the mother became angry, and he stopped.

For two years he would not talk about it. Then his mother died. He was returning home one day, so he asked his older brother, "Now my mother is dead, so allow me to renounce the world."

The brother became angry. He said, "What nonsense are you talking? We are suffering a great loss. Mother has died and you are talking about renouncing now? Do not talk about it at all!" So Mahavir remained silent again for two years.

The whole family was again shocked. What type of renunciation was this? But then they began to feel that he was in the house, but he was not. He was absolutely absent. No one felt him as being present. He became just a shadow. Months would pass, and then suddenly someone would say, "Where is Mahavir?" He was in the house. He became so absent that the whole family gathered one day and they said, "If you are doing this, then it now becomes our duty to allow you to renounce. You can go, because, really, you have already gone."

Mahavir left the house that very day. Someone asked him, "Why didn't you escape? Why didn't you run away?"

He said, "There was no need. I took the inner jump. The day I decided, I became a sannyasin. Only my shadow was there because my mother would have become disturbed. There was no need to leave. The shadow was there; 'I' was not there. The very day I decided, the thing had happened. These four years were just nothing for me. I was a shadow. I could have remained in that house forever."

The day one really decides to take the jump, the jump has already taken place, because the decision is the jump. Even to become aware that "I am in a deep imprisonment", to be aware of this, is to have moved out of it. Now, sooner or later, this imprisonment cannot be a prison for you.

The Ultimate Alchemy Vol-2

Osho's Jokes

A patent medicine salesman at the fair was shouting his claims for his Rejuvenation Elixir. "If you don't believe the label, just look at me," he shouted. "I take it and I am 300 years old."

"Is he really that old?" asked a farmer of the salesman's young assistant, Mulla Nasrudin.

"I REALLY DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin. "YOU SEE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR 180 YEARS."

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A rich widow had lost all her money in a business deal and was flat broke. She told her lover, Mulla Nasrudin, about it and asked, "Dear, in spite of the fact that I am not rich any more will you still love me?"

"CERTAINLY, HONEY," said Nasrudin, "I WILL. LOVE YOU ALWAYS -- EVEN THOUGH I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN."

Osho's Quotes

There is a story in Mahavir's life. A great king came to visit him. The king was a great conqueror, he had almost become the ruler of the whole country. He knew only one language: the language of war, the language of conquering. He had conquered everything that was worth conquering; he had become the richest man in the country. Now somebody said that all these worldly possessions are of no use unless you conquer the inner kingdom. "Unless you attain DHYANA, SAMADHI, unless you attain inner ecstasy, these are useless."

So he said, "From where can I get it? You just show me the place; I will conquer it." He knew only one language: of conquering.

Ecstasy cannot be conquered. On the contrary, you have to allow it to conquer you. You cannot conquer it; you have to surrender to it. It conquers you. You cannot possess it, you have to allow it to possess you. That is the only way. But that was a language he had never known.

Somebody said, "Mahavir is right nearby, staying in the forest. You go to him. He has attained." So the king went there with a great army -- the man knew only one language.

He surrounded the forest. Then he approached Mahavir. He thought, "If he surrenders without a fight, it is okay." So he went to Mahavir and he said, "I have come to conquer the kingdom you have attained, the kingdom of inner ecstasy."

Mahavir laughed. He said, "Good, your desire is good. But you seem to be absolutely unaware of what you are asking. It cannot be conquered by you. I HAVE got it here, but I cannot give it to you and you cannot conquer it."

The king said, "You don't be worried about it. You just show me where it is. You cannot give it? What do you mean? That you don't want to give it to me? I can force you to give it. I have not come across anything which cannot be conquered. You simply show me where it is."

Mahavir must have felt a deep compassion in his heart for this man. Foolish, stupid, but that's how humanity is. He said, "You do one thing. There is no need to come to me. In your own capital there is a very poor man and he may want to bargain with you. He has also attained. You go to him."

The king had never heard the name of that poor man, but he said, "I will go." He went to that poor man. He was really a beggar, but with the same light in his eyes as Mahavir, with the same fragrance around him, with the same innocence. He was sitting under a tree. The king said, "You are part of my kingdom and whatsoever you have attained -- give it to me! Whatsoever you want in return, I am ready to give. Even if you want my whole kingdom, I will give it to you. But bring out, give me, your SAMADHI."

The man laughed. He said, "I can give you my life, it is in your hands, but I cannot give you SAMADHI. Not that I don't want to give it, but the very nature of it is such that it cannot be given. You will have to earn it."

The king said, "But I have never earned anything. I am a conqueror. Whatsoever I need, I simply conquer it. I'm not a businessman; I never earn anything. I am a KSHATRIYA, a warrior."

The beggar said, "But here, your swords won't do, nor your army. Here you will have to go alone, because it is a going inward. You have to go to your own center. And it cannot be given because you already have it. It has only to be known, discovered."

Our ignorance is the only reason that we don't have it. Not that we don't have it -- it has been always there -- but we have forgotten it. We have become oblivious to it, our eyes have become clouded. The vision has lost the crystal clarity that is needed to rediscover it.

Have you watched? Sometimes you are trying to remember somebody's name. You know it, and still it is not coming. You feel very puzzled. You say it is just on the tip of the tongue. You say, "I KNOW it," but if somebody insists, "If you know it, then why don't you tell it?" you say, "But it is not coming."

Come Follow To You

Osho's Jokes

"I will bet anyone here that I can fire thirty shots at 200 yards and call each shot correctly without waiting for the marker. Who will wager a ten spot on this?" challenged Mulla Nasrudin in the teahouse.

"I will take you," cried a stranger.

They went immediately to the target range, and the Mulla fired his first shot. "MISS," he calmly and promptly announced.
A second shot, "MISSED," repeated the Mulla.

A third shot. "MISSED," snapped the Mulla.

"Hold on there!" said the stranger. "What are you trying to do? You are not even aiming at the target.

And, you have missed three targets already."

"SIR," said Nasrudin, "I AM SHOOTING FOR THAT TEN SPOT OF YOURS, AND I AM CALLING MY SHOT AS PROMISED."

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A man who took his little girls to the amusement park noticed that Mulla Nasrudin kept riding the merry-go-round all afternoon. Once when the merry-go-round stopped, the Mulla rushed off, took a drink of water and headed back again. As he passed near the girls, their father said to him, "Mulla, you certainly do like to ride on the merry-go-round, don't you?"

"NO, I DON'T. RATHER I HATE IT ABSOLUTELY AND AM FEELING VERY SICK BECAUSE OF IT," said Nasrudin. "BUT,

THE FELLOW WHO OWNS THIS THING OWES ME $80 AND TAKING IT OUT IN TRADE IS THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER COLLECT FROM HIM."

Osho's Quotes

There is an interesting story about Mahavir. It is a myth, but myths are beautiful and they say much which cannot be said otherwise. It is reported that when Mahavir would move, all around him, in an area of about twenty-four miles, all the flowers would bloom. Even if it was not the season for the flowers, they would bloom. This is simply a poetic expression, but even if one was not self-actualized, if one were to come in contact with Mahavir his flowering would become infectious, and one would feel an inner flowering in oneself also. Even if it was not the right season for a person, even if he was not ready, he would reflect, he would feel an echo. If Mahavir was near someone, that person would feel an echo within himself, and he would have a glimpse of what he could be.

Vigyan Bhairav Tantra Vol-1

Osho's Jokes

The boss was asked to write a reference for Mulla Nasrudin whom he was dismissing after only one week's work. He would not lie, and he did not want to hurt the Mulla unnecessarily. So he wrote: "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: MULLA NASRUDIN WORKED FOR US FOR ONE WEEK, AND WE ARE SATISFIED."

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Applicants for a job on a dam had to take a written examination, the first question of which was,

"What does hydrodynamics mean?"

Mulla Nasrudin, one of the applicants for the job, looked at this, then wrote against it: "IT MEANS I DON'T GET JOB."

Osho's Quotes

A beautiful story is told about Mahavir -- that wherever he moved, for miles around life would become more alive. And he was an inactive man. He would simply stand or sit under a tree, for hours, for days, but for miles life would start throbbing with a new rhythm. It is said that trees would bloom out of season; trees would start growing faster than ever; dead trees would start producing new fresh leaves. Whether it happened or not is not the point, it maybe just a story.But it is very indicative, it is very symbolic. Myths are not symbolic things, myths are very meaningful symbols. They say something.

What does this myth say? It simply says that Mahavir was such a pool of energy, such an overflowing of energy, such an overflowing of God, that wherever he was, life would move faster. A speed would happen to all the existence around him. He would not be doing anything but things would start happening.

The Art of Dying

Osho's Jokes

"What's the idea," asked the boss of his new employee, Mulla Nasrudin, "of telling me you had five years' experience, when now I find you never had a job before?"

"WELL," said Nasrudin, "DIDN'T YOU ADVERTISE FOR A MAN WITH IMAGINATION?"

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"What's the idea of coming in here late every morning, Mulla?" asked the boss.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT, SIR," said Mulla Nasrudin. "YOU HAVE TRAINED ME SO THOROUGHLY NOT TO WATCH THE CLOCK IN THE OFFICE, NOW I AM IN THE HABIT OF NOT LOOKING AT IT AT HOME."

Osho's Quotes

It is said, a beautiful myth about Mahavir, that people who had desire would become aware of Mahavir from a very faraway distance, twenty-four miles. The area of twenty four miles around Mahavir was so filled with his being that people who would come into that area, if they had some desire, would be pulled by Mahavir, against themselves. They might have been going somewhere else, but they would not be able to go. They would be pulled. They would have to come; they would find this man in some unknown way. And he would be sitting under some tree or hiding in a cave, and they would find him. And there were people who would pass just in front of him and would be thinking that he was mad -- not only mad, but like a criminal, standing there naked.

Either he was a criminal or he was a fool, and they would beat him, they would throw him out of their town, they would force him to leave their place. And both were people: one sort of person throws him away, beats him; the other sort of person is pulled. It depends on you.

I have heard one anecdote:

"Well my man, what is on your mind?" the worldly matron asked the marriage broker.

"I have picked out a wife for your son," he announced triumphantly. "She is the Princess Sessusi Wilnanee, the richest young woman in the world," said the marriage broker.

"The richest woman in the world?" snapped the mother. "Why have I never heard of her?"

"But she is a wonderful girl," insisted the marriage broker. "She is gorgeous, a terrific skin-diver and skier, and golfs in the low seventies. She is royalty all the way."

"It does not make sense to me, but all right, I will give you my consent. I will let my son marry the princess."

"Well," sighed the marriage broker, "that's half the battle. "

Half the battle about religion starts with you. If you have the desire, that is half the battle -- and the other half is very easy. Then you have the eyes. But if you don't have an appetite, then it is almost impossible to recognize: you are blind, you cannot see. If a blind man comes and asks,

"When I come across light, how am I to recognize it?" what to say to him? How can he recognize? -- he will need eyes. You always find that which you REALLY desire; it never happens otherwise. In fact, let me tell you: whatsoever you have found is that which you had desired passionately -- maybe it is hell, but you desired it -- and whatsoever you have not found, you have not desired passionately.

The Beloved Vol-1

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Mahavir lived for twelve years alone in the forest. He would not speak during those days, because the moment you speak you have moved into society. Language is society. He remained completely silent, he would not speak. The basic bridge had been cut so that he would be alone. When you don't speak you are alone, deeply alone. There is no way to move to the other. For twelve long years he lived alone without speaking. What was he doing? He was trying to find out who he was. It is better to put away all labels, it is better to move away from others so that there is no need for the social image. He was destroying the social image. He was throwing away all the garbage that society had given; he was trying to be totally naked, without any name, without any form. That;s what Mahavir;s nakedness means. It was not just throwing away the clothes. It was deeper. It was the nudity of being totally alone. You also use clothes for society: they are to hide your body, or they are to cover you in the eyes of others, because society doesn't approve of your whole body. So whatsoever society doesn't approve of, you have to hide. Only particular parts of the body are allowed to be in the open. The society chooses you in parts. Your totality is not approved of, not accepted.

Vigyan Bhairav Tantra Vol-2

Osho Jokes

During a religious meeting an attractive young widow leaned too far over the balcony and fell, but her dress caught on a chandelier and held her impended in mid-air. The preacher, of course, immediately noticed the woman's predicament and called out to his congregation: "The first person who looks up there is in danger of being punished with blindness."

Mulla Nasrudin, who was in the congregation whispered to the man next to him, "I THINK I WILL RISK ONE EYE."

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Mulla Nasrudin went to the psychiatrist and asked if the good doctor couldn't split his personality.

"Split your personality?" asked the doctor. "Why in heaven's name do you want me to do a thing like that?"

"BECAUSE," said Nasrudin! "I AM SO LONESOME."

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I asked Mulla Nasruddin, "Nasruddin, I hear you just had an accident?"

He said, "Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected twenty thousand rupees, and my wife who was in the accident with me, got five thousand rupees."

I asked him, "Did she get hurt?"

Nasruddin laughed and said, "No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion!"

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha

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Mulla Nasruddin got so drunk that there was a fight with another drunkard, and he had wounds and scratches all over his face.

He came home in the middle of the night, looked into the mirror and thought, "Now, tomorrow morning is going to be difficult!" How is he going to hide these wounds and these scratches? His wife is bound to know and she will say, "You got drunk again and you have been fighting again!" How to hide it?

A great idea occurred to him. He searched in the medicine chest, found some ointment. He put it on his wounds and scratches, was very happy, pleased with himself that by morning things would not be so bad... and went to sleep.

Early in the morning when he was still in bed, his wife shouted from the bathroom, "Who has put ointment on the mirror?"

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha

Osho's Quotes

For twelve years Mahavir would not use any language, remained completely silent. This man I love, because this is a religious man. And he started speaking only when silence was total within him. And he spoke not out of scriptures, he spoke out of himself. He spoke out of his silence. And whenever a word is born out of deep silence, it is alive, throbbing with life. And those who hear it directly, they are most fortunate -- because soon it will die. Everything born dies.

Until You Die

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Mahavir has said, "Sometimes it happens that there is no suffering. Then create suffering, but do not lose any moment to create more awareness." Mahavir would go on long fasts in order to create suffering, to encounter it, because through encounter awareness grows. He would live naked. It may have been summer, it may have been winter, it may have been the rainy season, but he would live naked, he would move naked. In every village, when he would move naked, everyone would become his enemy. They would create many sufferings for him, but he would not speak. For twelve years he was totally silent. If someone beat him, he would not speak. One could do whatsoever one liked, but he would not react. These were consciously created sufferings.

The Ultimate Alchemy Vol-2

Osho's Jokes

Mulla Nasruddin has applied for a job. The manager looked at him and did not feel that he's even qualified to apply for it. He asked him, "Can you read and write?"

Mulla Nasruddin said, "I cannot read, but I can write."

The manager was surprised; this is a rare situation -- he could have never conceived of a man who cannot read but can write. He said, "Then write!" He gave him a paper and Mulla immediately started writing on it. He went fast -- one page, two pages, three pages.

The manager said, "Now you stop! You please read what you have written, because I cannot read."

Nasruddin said, "That I have told you before -- I can only write! I can't read."

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha

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Mulla Nasruddin had gone to see a play. A man was in such great love in the play, he was acting so romantically that Nasruddin said to his wife, "This man is a great actor."

The wife said, "And do you know? -- the woman he's acting with is really his wife in actual life."

Nasruddin said, "Then he is the greatest actor in the world!"

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha

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Mulla Nasruddin and one of his friends had been drinking all evening in a bar. The friend finally passed out and fell to the floor. The Mulla called a doctor who rushed him to a hospital.

When he came to, the doctor asked him, 'Do you see any pink elephants or little green men?'

'No,' groaned the patient.

'No snakes or alligators?' the doctor asked.

'No,' the drunk said.

'Then just sleep it off. You will be all right in the morning,' said the doctor.

But Mulla Nasruddin was worried.

'Look, doctor,' he said, 'that boy is in bad shape. He said he could not see any of them animals and you and I know the room is full of them.'

Dang Dang Doko Dang

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A psychiatrist once asked his patient, Mulla Nasruddin, if the latter suffered from fantasies of self-importance.

'No,' replied the Mulla.'On the contrary, I think of myself as much less than I really am.'

Dang Dang Doko Dang

News

Mulla Day at Osho World galleria on 1st April 2004

Osho World invites you to join the laughter with renowned humorist Shri Ashok Chakradhar while celebrating Mulla Nassruddin Day at Osho World galleria on 1st April 2004.

"When the laughter is really authentic, a belly laughter, when your whole body throbs with his orgasmic energy, when the laughter spreads on all of your being, when you are simply lost in it, you are open to God."_Osho

One Mulla Joke through the words of Osho:

"As a pretty girl passed by, Mulla Nasrudin turned to look. His wife said with a pout, "Every time you see a pretty girl you forget you are married."
"That's where you are wrong," said the Mulla. "Nothing makes me more aware of the fact!."

Osho World to celebrate Mahavir Week from 2nd to 8th April, 2004.

Osho World is dedicating a week to enlightened mystic Mahavir from 2nd to 8th April 2004 at the galleria. Osho World pays deep respect to Mahavir as expounded by Osho, during the week through daily meditations and events. Everyone is invited to meditate and celebrate at Osho World galleria, BG-09, Ansal Plaza, New Delhi.

"One of the most beautiful sayings that I have loved comes from Mahavira, a contemporary of Gautam Buddha. A very strange statement -- Mahavira says, "If you have started the journey you have reached already."
If a seed has started sprouting the spring is not far away. Soon, where there was nothing there will be beautiful flowers, with great fragrance. Mahavira is saying that if you have started the journey you have already reached."_Osho

Osho's Quotes

There is a story: Mahavir was fasting and remaining silent for years together. In a certain village some mischievous people were disturbing him, harassing him, and he was on a vow of silence. He was beaten so many times because he would not speak and he remained naked -- completely naked. So the villagers were at a loss to understand who he was. And he would not speak! And moreover he was naked! So from one village to another village he would be thrown out, made to leave the village.

The story says Indra, the King of gods, came to him and said to Mahavir, "I can defend you. It has become so painful. You are being beaten unnecessarily, so just allow me to defend you."

Mahavir rejected the help. Later on, when he was asked why he rejected the help, he said, "This path of will is a lonely path. You cannot even have a helper with you because then the struggle loosens. Then the struggle becomes partial. Then you can depend on someone else, and wherever there is dependence sleep comes in. One has to be totally independent; only then can one be awake.

This is one path, one basic attitude. All these methods of witnessing belong to this path. So when I say, "Be a witness." it is meant for those who are travellers on the path of will.

The Ultimate Alchemy Vol-1

Osho's Jokes

A friend of Mulla Nasruddin was talking to him. He said,'My wife is an angel.'

Mulla said,'But mine is still alive.'

Dang Dang Doko Dang

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To celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary, Mulla Nasruddin came home and presented his wife with a little monkey.'Are you crazy or something?' shouted Mistress Nasruddin.'Where the hell are we gonna keep a monkey?'

'Don't worry,' said Nasruddin.'He will sleep right in the bed with us.'

'And what about the smell?'

'If I could stand it for thirty years, he will get used to it soon.'

Dang Dang Doko Dang