Mulla Nasrudin, who was in the congregation whispered to the man next to him, "I THINK I WILL RISK ONE EYE."
Mulla Nasrudin went to the psychiatrist and asked if the good doctor couldn't split his personality.
"Split your personality?" asked the doctor. "Why in heaven's name do you want me to do a thing like that?"
"BECAUSE," said Nasrudin! "I AM SO LONESOME."
I asked Mulla Nasruddin, "Nasruddin, I hear you just had an accident?"
He said, "Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected twenty thousand rupees, and my wife who was in the accident with me, got five thousand rupees."
I asked him, "Did she get hurt?"
Nasruddin laughed and said, "No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha
Mulla Nasruddin got so drunk that there was a fight with another drunkard, and he had wounds and scratches all over his face.
He came home in the middle of the night, looked into the mirror and thought, "Now, tomorrow morning is going to be difficult!" How is he going to hide these wounds and these scratches? His wife is bound to know and she will say, "You got drunk again and you have been fighting again!" How to hide it?
A great idea occurred to him. He searched in the medicine chest, found some ointment. He put it on his wounds and scratches, was very happy, pleased with himself that by morning things would not be so bad... and went to sleep.
Early in the morning when he was still in bed, his wife shouted from the bathroom, "Who has put ointment on the mirror?"