The shy young bride is really upset when she learns that her husband has been married twice before. Through her tears, she asks him what has become of his two previous wives. "I may as well tell you," says her husband. "My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms." "And your second wife?" she cries. "She died of a fractured skull," the man answers. "It was her own fault, she wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
On her wedding night, Tessa, the anxious bride, turns to her husband. "Charles," she says, "promise me you will be gentle. I want you to know that this is my first time." "What?" exclaims Charles, "your first time? But you have already been married three times!" "I know," replies Tessa, "but my first husband was a drunk, the second turned out to be gay, and my third husband was in advertising." "I can understand the first two," says Charles, "but why didn't your third husband ever make love to you?" "Well," replies Tessa, "All he ever did was sit on the bed and tell me how great it was going to be!"