Tuesday, March 30, 2010
After this meditation camp, when I return to Bombay I find myself lost in the crowd of people. This intense longing to meet Him again has disturbed my sleep. Almost every night I see Him in my dreams, talking to me. I start writing a letter to him every day and expect a quick reply from Him. I have totally forgotten that the letter will take at least three day to reach Him, and even if He replies the same day he receives it , it will take three more days to reach me. Sometimes I feel angry at Him for driving me crazy like this--I don’t know how I am managing to keep myself together and continue my work in the office.
A couple of weeks have passed. Today I am coming down from the first floor to leave my office at 5:00pm when I hear my office peon come running behind me with a letter in his hand, which is very unusual. In the office no one bothers about anybody’s personal letters. I take the letter from him--it is from the “Beloved of my heart.” I kiss it and open it with shaking hands.
It reads like this:
“Beloved Pushpa (my name before I take sannyas)
Love. I am happy to receive your letters. Such longing for God is good because it is the totality of longing which becomes the way to reach him.
I am in Bombay on the night of the 17th, meet at 9:00pm, or I will be in Bombay again on the 21st, then you can meet at 3:00pm.
Where I will be staying, you can find from these four phone numbers.”
I am overjoyed to read the letter. It is the seventeenth today, and I decide to see Him tonight. I rush back to the office to make a phone call. while reading the letter I thought: Why has He written four phone numbers? but this man of awareness knows better! Three numbers don’t work, the fourth does, and the woman on the other end confirms His arrival and gives me the address. It is already 5:10pm. It is a matter of only four hours and I will be meeting Him again. Time passes very slowly. Almost every five to ten minutes I am looking at my watch, and curse it for moving so slowly. This waiting seems like eternity.