Osho Teachings

I have heard that three old men were sitting in a park, discussing the inevitable, death. One old man of seventy-three said, "When I die I would like to be buried with Abraham Lincoln, the greatest man, loved by all."

Another said, "I would like to be buried with Albert Einstein, the greatest scientist, humanitarian, philosopher, lover of peace."

Then they both looked at the third, who was ninety-three. He said, "I would like to be buried with Sophia Loren."

They both felt annoyed, angry and they said, "But she is still alive."

That old man said, "So am I !"

Osho Teachings

A man was advised by his psychoanalyst to go to the hills. He was always complaining and complaining about this and that, and always asking questions. He was never at ease with anything, never at home. He was advised to go for a rest.

The next day a telegram arrived for the psychoanalyst. In it the man said, "I am feeling very happy here. Why?"

Osho Jokes

It happened that Mulla Nasruddin used to have a ferryboat, and when times were not good he would carry passengers from one bank to the other.

One day a great schlor, a grammarian, a pundit, was crossing in his ferryboat to the other shore. The pundit asked Nasruddin, "Do you know the Koran? Have you learned the scriptures?"
Nasruddin said, "No, no time."
The scholar said, "Half your life has been wasted."
Then suddenly there arose a storm and the small boat was far from the shore. At any moment it would sink. Asked Nasruddin, "School master, do you know how to swim?"
The man was very afraid, perspiring. He said, "No."
Said Nasruddin, "Then your whole life has been wasted. I am going!"

Osho Jokes

There is to be a christening party for Paddy and Maureen's new baby, but before the ceremony the priest takes Paddy aside and asks, "Are you prepared for this solemn event?" "I think so," replies the nervous Paddy. "I've got cheese rolls, salad and cake." "No, no," interrupts the priest, "I mean spiritually prepared?" "Well, I don't know," says Paddy thoughtfully. "Do you think two cases of whiskey are enough?"

Osho Meditation Camp In Delhi

Date: 5-7 November 2004
Location : Oshodham, New Delhi
Osho Meditation Camp
Conducted by : Swami Anand Arun ( Tapoban, Nepal)

Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya (Appo Deepo Bhav)
Date : 14-15 November
Location : Oshodham, New Delhi
Conducted by : Swami Vairagya Amrit

Vayast Jeevan Main Har Pal Dhyan Se Jine Ki Kala
Date : Oshodham, New Delhi
Kabira Khada Bazar Main
Conducted by : Ma Dharma Jyoti, Swami Vairagya Amrit

Osho Meditation Camp Around The World

Date : 25-28 October 2004.
Location : Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Organized by Ma Bodhi Tara (Ms. Wensy Goh), contact Ma Bodhi Tara at Wensy@contact.com.my.
Conducted by Swami Chaitanya Keerti.

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Date : 29-31 October 2004.
Contact information for the meditation in Singapore :-
Rajesh Kumar
Block No. 614, #07- 493,
Woodlands Ave 4,
Singapore - 730614
H/P: 94290199 Off.: 62198326
email : rajeshwatts@yahoo.com

Swami Prem Anmol
H/P: 92729260 Off: 64260783
email : ramansood@yahoo.com

Conducted by Swami Chaitanya Keerti

Osho Jokes : on children

The first grade class gathers around their teacher, Miss Goodbody, for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture she holds up is a cat. "Okay, boys and girls," she says brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?" "I know! I know! It is a cat." Yells little Albert. "Very good, Albert," says Miss Goodbody. "Now who knows what this animal is called?" "That's a dog," pipes up little Suzie. "Right again. And what about this animal?" she asks, holding up a picture of a deer. Silence falls over the class. After a minute or two Miss Goodbody says, "I will give you a hint, children, listen. It is something that your mother calls your father around the house." "I know! I know!" screams little Ernie. "It is a horny bastard!"

Osho Jokes : on religion

One day, Jesus wakes up in a bad mood. He is feeling depressed and lethargic. In fact, a typical Monday-morning feeling. He wanders around heaven looking for someone to cheer him up and finally arrives at the Pearly Gates where Saint Peter is interviewing the new arrivals. Suddenly he sees an old man with a long white beard whose face looks familiar. He goes up to him. "Excuse me sir," says Jesus, "but your face seems familiar. I am sure we have met. What did you do on earth?" The old man smiles. "As a matter of fact," he says, "I am a carpenter and lived a full and happy life until my son left home and became world famous. I never saw him again." Jesus looks at him with astonishment and says with delight, "Dad!" The old man opens his eyes wide and rushes forward with outstretched arms, crying, "Pinocchio!"

Osho Jokes : wedding

The shy young bride is really upset when she learns that her husband has been married twice before. Through her tears, she asks him what has become of his two previous wives. "I may as well tell you," says her husband. "My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms." "And your second wife?" she cries. "She died of a fractured skull," the man answers. "It was her own fault, she wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

On her wedding night, Tessa, the anxious bride, turns to her husband. "Charles," she says, "promise me you will be gentle. I want you to know that this is my first time." "What?" exclaims Charles, "your first time? But you have already been married three times!" "I know," replies Tessa, "but my first husband was a drunk, the second turned out to be gay, and my third husband was in advertising." "I can understand the first two," says Charles, "but why didn't your third husband ever make love to you?" "Well," replies Tessa, "All he ever did was sit on the bed and tell me how great it was going to be!"

Osho Jokes

A woman arrived at a small midwestern town late at night, only to find there wasn't a single hotel room available. "I'm sorry," said the desk clerk, "but the last room we had was just taken by an Italian."

"What number is it?" said the woman in desperation. "Maybe I can work something out with him."
The clerk told her the room and the woman went up and knocked on the door. The Italian let her in.

"Look, mister," she said, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but I need some place to sleep desperately. I won't be any bother, I promise, if you just let me use that little couch over there."

The Italian thought for a minute and then said, "Okay." The woman curled up on the couch and the Italian went back to bed. But the couch was very uncomfortable and after a few minutes the woman tiptoed over to the bed and tapped the Italian's arm. "Look mister," she said, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but that couch is impossible to sleep on. Could I just sleep here, at the edge of the bed?"

"Okay," said the Italian, "use the edge of the bed."

The woman lay down on the bed, but after a few minutes she felt very cold. Again she tapped the Italian.

"Look mister," she said, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but it's very cold out here. Could I just get under the cover with you."

"Okay," said the Italian, "get under the cover."

The woman snuggled under, but the closeness of a male body stirred her and she started to feel a little horny. Again she tapped the Italian.

"Look mister," she said, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but how about having a little party?"

Exasperated, the Italian bolted up in the bed. "Look lady," he hollered, "I don't know you and you don't know me. In the middle of the night, who we gonna invite to a party?"

- A Sudden Clash Of Thunder

Meditation Camps AROUND THE WORLD

25-28 October
Place : Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Organizer : Ma Bodhi Tara ( Ms. Wensy), Malaysia
Conatct in Malaysia: Wensy@contact.com.my


29-31 October
Singapore
Contact Rajesh Kumar:
Block No: 614, #07- 493,
Woodlands Ave 4,
Singapore-730614
H/P: 94290199 Off.: 62198326
rajeshwatts@yahoo.com

Swami Prem Anmol:
H/P: 92729260 Off: 64260783
ramansood@yahoo.com

Conducted by :
Swami Chaitanya Keerti

DAILY meditation at Other Osho Meditation Centres around the world

Everyday

• 6:00 am to 7:00 am Dynamic Meditation

Every Saturday

• 8:30 am to 9:30 am Kundalini Meditation
• 9:30 am to 10:30 am Chakra Sound

Every Sunday

• 2:00pm - 4:30pm Tai Chi

Place:-
Osho Meditation Centre, Washington
14705 Pommel Dr. Rockville MD 20850
Tel: 1866-yes-osho[1-866-937-6746]
Cell # 703-625-6746

Upcoming meditation camps

13-17 October : Five Day Meditation Camp
Conducted by : Swami Vairagya Amrit

22-24 October : Osho Meditation Camp for Children
Conducted by : Ma Deva Dakshina and team

Contact (for all Oshodham Camps)
Osho Rajyoga Meditation Center
Address : C-5/44
Safdarjung Development Area
New Delhi - 110016
Phone No. : 011-26862898, 26964533