Osho's Jokes

A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia by the French Foreign Legion. After a few days he became restless and asked his officer what form of entertainment took place in the camp -- where were all the women and bars and so forth. The officer replied, "Just be patient and wait until the camels arrive." So the young sergeant waited patiently for several days more and inquired again and the officer replied, "For heaven's sake, just wait until the camels arrive." The next night there was an almighty rush, all the soldiers came running out of their tents yelling and screaming. The young sergeant grabbed the officer and asked, "What is going on?" "The camels are coming!" replied the officer. "But why the great rush?" "Well, you don't want to get an ugly one, do you?" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8

Sufism

Sufism is based on positivity: Don't negate, don't use no, say yes. And don't search in a negative way; move in an absolutely positive way. Don't think of the wrong, think of the right. Don't think of illness, think of health. Don't think of thorns, think of flowers. Don't think of ugliness, misery, think of beauty and joy.

The Perfect Master Vol 1

Osho's Jokes

After rushing into a drugstore, the nervous young man was obviously embarrassed when a prim, middle-aged woman asked if she could serve him. "No-no," he stammered, "I would rather see the druggist." "I am the druggist," she responded cheerfully. "What can I do for you?" "Oh... well, uh, it is nothing important," he said, and turned to leave. "Young man," said the woman, "my sister and I have been running this drugstore for nearly thirty years. There is nothing you can tell us that will embarrass us." "Well, alright," he said. "I have this awful sexual hunger that nothing will appease. No matter how many times I make love, I still want to make love again. Is there anything you can give me for it?" "Just a moment," said the little lady. "I will have to discuss this with my sister." A few minutes later she returned. "The best we can offer," she said, "is two hundred dollars a week and a half-interest in the business." The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8

Sufism

Sufism is the path of VIA POSITIVE; it is feminine. It is the path of love, affirmation.

The Perfect Master Vol 1

Osho's Jokes

A pretty young girl stretched out on the psychiatrist's couch. "I just can't help myself, Doctor. No matter how hard I try to resist, I bring five or six men with me into my bedroom every night. Last night there were ten. I just feel so miserable, I don't know what to do." In understanding tones the doctor rumbled, "Yes, I know, I know, my dear." "Ah!" the surprised girl exclaimed. "Were you there last night too?" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8

Sufis

Sufis are lovers, great lovers. In fact, in the whole history of human consciousness, more daring lovers than Sufis have never existed, because they are the only ones who have turned God into their beloved. The God is the woman and they are the lovers. The Grass Grows by Itself

Osho's Jokes

A wealthy widower and his daughter were traveling to Europe on the S.S. UNITED STATES. The girl fell overboard. Berman, aged seventy-three, hit the water and saved her. After the two were brought back aboard the ship, the widower threw his arms around Berman. "You saved my daughter's life!" he exclaimed. "I am a rich man. I will give you anything. Ask me for whatever you want!" "Just answer me one question," said Berman. "Who pushed me?" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8

Being Bewildered

Jalaluddin Rumi, a Sufi mystic, has said: "Sell your cleverness and sell all your knowledge and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition. One comes to God through being bewildered." Attain to the eyes of wonder, of ignorance, of innocence; attain to the eyes of intimacy. Not knowing, you are tremendously valuable; knowing, you are just ordinary.

Zen: The Path of Paradox

Sufi says

The great Sufi Master, Rumi, has said:

Footprints but come to the ocean's shore.

Therein, no trace remains.

All your scriptures only come to the ocean's shore. They can't take you into the journey of the unknown, they remain part of the known.

The Secret

Being a Sufi

All belief systems have to be dropped, only then can you be a Sufi. And to be a Sufi is the greatest thing that can happen to anybody. Nobody else except man can be deceived by words; nobody except man can be deceived at all.

Unio Mystica

Osho's Jokes

The Texan was on his knees in church giving thanks for all his blessings. "Of course," he added, "I am grateful for my six houses, although I could use two or three more. Now, I am grateful for my Rolls and six Cadillacs, but I could use a couple more yachts to add to my collection. And I know I should be grateful for the banks I own, but could you see your way clear to give me five more to make it an even dozen?" A little man kneeled next to him and talked up to God: "I need bread and a job -- I would be so grateful." The Texan whipped out a hundred-dollar bill and handed it to the man. "Will you please stop bothering God with that small stuff?" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-7

Jokes

A lovely young thing entered a doctor's office on her lunch hour and addressed a handsome young man in a white coat. "I have had a pain in my shoulder for a week. Can you help me?" she asked. "Lie down on this table," he said, "and I will massage it for you." After a few minutes the beautiful patient exclaimed, "Doctor, that is not my shoulder!" The young man smiled and replied, "No, and I am not a doctor either!" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-7

Stream of consciousness, Stream of life

Sufis have always been talking about stream of consciousness, stream of life. It is an on-going, a flowing phenomenon; it is movement, it is not static. Even while you are here you are not static. Every moment things are changing: the body is a flow, the mind is a flow, your being is a flow. You are not the same even for two consecutive moments. In the morning you were so happy, so trusting, by the afternoon you have become so doubting and untrusting, and by the evening everybody is a skeptic, cynical and sarcastic. Early in the morning everybody seems to be prayerful, innocent. As the day wears on, as you are cheated and pulled and pushed from this side and that, you start losing your innocence. The Wisdom of the Sands

Sannyas

That's what sannyas is: a deliberate, conscious choice to be reborn again. So start counting your life from [the moment you take sannyas]. This is your birthday -- forget the old birthday; that was nothing. From this moment start counting your life and start participating again in small things. They are wonderful if you look through the eyes of a child....

Become a sannyasin and things will change! By becoming a sannyasin you will die to your old past. There is no need to carry it; you can start afresh. Why not start your life anew, from ABC? This loaded life is not good. Erase it completely, make it discontinuous with the past. Let this be your birthday and start again. It is always good to start afresh.

Osho's Jokes

A pretty model took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me!" she pleaded. "It has gotten so that every time a man takes me out I wind up in bed with him, and then afterwards I feel guilty and depressed all day long." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist, "and you want me to strengthen your willpower?" "Heavens, no!" exclaimed the model. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards!" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-6

Truth

"Truth is not a commodity that is wanted by people.
They think they already know it.
And even they think they don't know it, they think "Who needs it?"
The moment a person becomes interested in truth,
he is no more part of the mob - he becomes an individual.
That very interest creates individuality.
You start existing only when you start searching for truth.
But the search is arduous.
it needs courage.
it needs intelligence.
it needs awareness."

TAKE IT EASY, Vol. 1

Be happy

Be happy and you will be non-jealous. Be happy and you will be non-ambitious; be happy and the ego will disappear. The ego can exist only in deep unhappiness and misery. It is a dweller in hell; it abides only in hell.

Remember it: whenever you are trying to enjoy you will miss. When you are trying to achieve happiness you will miss. The very effort to achieve happiness is absurd -- because happiness is here: you cannot achieve it. Nothing has to be done about it, you have simply to allow it. It is happening, it is all around you; within, without, only happiness is. Nothing else is real. Watch, look deep into the world, into trees, birds, rocks, rivers, into the stars, moon and sun, into people, animals -- look deep: existence is made out of the stuff of happiness, joy, SATCHITANANDA. It is made of bliss. There is nothing to be done about it. Your very doing may be the barrier. Relax and it fulfills you; relax and it rushes into you; relax, it overflows you.


Bliss is the ultimate experience of your coming home, of your feeling at ease with existence, relaxed, in a total unity and harmony.