The Perfect Master
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Osho's Quotes
Mahavir was very mathematical. Because he was very mathematical he would remain silent -- because he knew that if he said something it would not be as exact as it is in him, so it was better not to speak. Silence is his language. Only a few very evolved souls could understand him.
Osho's Jokes
One day I met Mulla Nasruddin on the road. He was walking with his two children.
So I said, 'How are your two children?'
He said, 'Both are good.'
I said, 'How old are they?'
He said, 'The doctor is five and the lawyer is seven!'
Mulla Nasruddin was caught again and again with some woman's hair on his coat. He asked a friend what to do. The friend said, "It is simple. Before entering the house, you just clean your coat. Keep a brush with yourself."
He said, "That's a good idea! It never occurred to me -- so simple!" So one day he found a brush. Outside the house he completely cleaned his coat, and suit, and shirt, and entered the house.
The wife looked at his coat, at his pants, and simply started beating her head and crying and screaming! He said, "What has happened? There is no hair at all!"
She said, "That's why I am crying. It seems you have started loving some bald woman!"
So I said, 'How are your two children?'
He said, 'Both are good.'
I said, 'How old are they?'
He said, 'The doctor is five and the lawyer is seven!'
Dang Dang Doko Dang
Mulla Nasruddin was caught again and again with some woman's hair on his coat. He asked a friend what to do. The friend said, "It is simple. Before entering the house, you just clean your coat. Keep a brush with yourself."
He said, "That's a good idea! It never occurred to me -- so simple!" So one day he found a brush. Outside the house he completely cleaned his coat, and suit, and shirt, and entered the house.
The wife looked at his coat, at his pants, and simply started beating her head and crying and screaming! He said, "What has happened? There is no hair at all!"
She said, "That's why I am crying. It seems you have started loving some bald woman!"
Communism and Zen Fire, Zen Wind
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Osho's Jokes
Mulla Nasruddin was reading his newspaper and suddenly called his wife and said, "I have caught four flies: two are males and two are females."
The wife said, "My god, how did you manage to know their sex?"
He said, "Easy! Two were reading the newspaper with me for hours. And two were sitting on the mirror, completely glued."
The wife said, "My god, how did you manage to know their sex?"
He said, "Easy! Two were reading the newspaper with me for hours. And two were sitting on the mirror, completely glued."
The Buddha: The Emptiness of the Heart
Osho's Quotes
That's why it is very difficult to know the truth and not to share it. It is impossible! Mahavir remained silent for twelve years, then suddenly one day he burst forth. What happened? For twelve years he was silent; he must have been moving into the nine grounds. Then came the tenth; he become a DHARMA-MEGHA: he became a cloud of truth and started showering.
When Mahavir was saying that whatever is happening has already happened, he was saying that whatever is happening is the present, whatever may be is the future. The bud which is coming into blossom somewhere has already blossomed, so it will blossom, it will become a flower. Right now the bud is in the process of flowering, right now it is only a bud, but if it is in the process of flowering, then it will flower. Its having flowered has also in a sense already occurred somewhere
Mahavir used to say that whatever is happening has in some sense already happened: if you are walking, then in a sense you have already arrived at the destination; if you are growing old, then in a sense you have already grown old. Mahavir used to say that whatever is happening, whatever is in process, has already occurred.
Mahavir has said -most souls take birth at night because they are sleeping when they are born. These souls cannot choose the moment of their birth. There are hundreds of other reasons, but this is important; that most people are asleep. They are in darkness and inactivity.
When I use the word 'aesthetics' I mean a quality in you. It has nothing to do with objects -- paintings, music, poetry -- it has something to do with a quality in your being, a sensitivity, a love for beauty, a sensitivity for the texture and taste of things, for the eternal dance that goes on all around, an awareness of it, a silence to hear this cuckoo calling from the distance...
The Discipline of Transcendence
When Mahavir was saying that whatever is happening has already happened, he was saying that whatever is happening is the present, whatever may be is the future. The bud which is coming into blossom somewhere has already blossomed, so it will blossom, it will become a flower. Right now the bud is in the process of flowering, right now it is only a bud, but if it is in the process of flowering, then it will flower. Its having flowered has also in a sense already occurred somewhere
Hidden Mysteries
Mahavir used to say that whatever is happening has in some sense already happened: if you are walking, then in a sense you have already arrived at the destination; if you are growing old, then in a sense you have already grown old. Mahavir used to say that whatever is happening, whatever is in process, has already occurred.
Hidden Mysteries
Mahavir has said -most souls take birth at night because they are sleeping when they are born. These souls cannot choose the moment of their birth. There are hundreds of other reasons, but this is important; that most people are asleep. They are in darkness and inactivity.
When I use the word 'aesthetics' I mean a quality in you. It has nothing to do with objects -- paintings, music, poetry -- it has something to do with a quality in your being, a sensitivity, a love for beauty, a sensitivity for the texture and taste of things, for the eternal dance that goes on all around, an awareness of it, a silence to hear this cuckoo calling from the distance...
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha
Monday, March 29, 2004
Osho's Jokes
Mulla Nasruddin and his friend Rahimtullah are standing on a street corner insulting one another. The one calls the other stupid, a cheat, a thief. The other says, "You are a coward, a miser, a hypocrite." Finally they begin insulting each other's families.
Mulla Nasruddin looks Rahimtullah straight in the eye and says, "Your sister is a stinking old whore; for twenty-five paisa she will let a one-eyed leper crawl over her."
Rahimtullah stands there, speechless. A bystander is amazed. He goes over to him and says, "For God's sake, man, how can you just stand there and let the Mulla insult your sister like that?"
Rahimtullah says, "I don't have a sister, I never had a sister, and now that my parents are both dead I never will have a sister."
So the bystander turns to Mulla Nasruddin and says, "Mulla, there is no point your insulting him like that, he does not have a sister."
"Sure," says the Mulla. "Of course not. I know it and he knows it, and now even you know it. But I ask you, how many of the people who had their windows open and were listening to our every word -- how many of them also know it?"
Mulla Nasruddin and his wife are sitting one Sunday listening to the radio, when this faith healer comes on and he says, "If you have a part of your body you want healed, place one hand on the radio and the other hand on the afflicted part."
The wife placed one hand on the radio and the other on her heart. The Mulla placed one hand on the radio and the other on his appendage.
So the wife said, "Mulla, he's trying to cure the sick, not raise the dead."
Mulla Nasruddin is chosen an honorary magistrate. The first case appears. He hears one side and declares to the court, "Within five minutes I will be back with the judgment."
The court clerk could not believe it -- he has not heard the other side! The clerk whispered in his ear, "What are you doing? Don't you see a simple thing? You have heard only one party, one side. The other side is waiting, and without hearing them you cannot give any judgment."
Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't try to confuse me. Just now I am absolutely clear. If I hear the other side too, then there is bound to be confusion."
Mulla Nasruddin was on Chowpatty Beach with his wife, and suddenly he said, "Would you like bhelpuri once more?"
The wife said, "Once more? But we have not had any bhelpuri."
He said, "Beloved, it seems you are losing your memory. Just fifty years ago when we got married and we had come here for the first time, we had bhelpuri. That's why I am saying, `Would you like it once more?'"
Mulla Nasruddin had applied for a post on a ship. He was interviewed. The captain and the high officials of the ship were sitting in a room. Mulla entered. The captain asked, "If the seas are in a turmoil, winds are strong, waves are huge and mountainous, what are you going to do to save the ship? It is tossed from here to there...."
Mulla Nasruddin said, "It is not much of a problem: I will just drop a huge anchor to keep the ship stable against the winds, against the waves. It is not much of a problem."
The captain again said, "Suppose another mountainous wave comes and the ship is going to be drowned; what are you going to do?"
He said, "Nothing -- another huge anchor."
The captain looked at him and asked a third time, "Suppose it is a great typhoon and it is impossible to save the ship. What are you going to do?"
He said, "Nothing, the same -- a huge anchor."
The captain said, "From where are you getting these huge anchors?"
He said, "From the same place. From where are you getting these great, mountainous waves, strong winds? -- from the same place. You go on getting them, I will go on getting bigger and bigger anchors."
Mulla Nasruddin was speaking to Morarjibhai Desai. Seeing Mulla Nasruddin in orange, Morarjibhai Desai was obviously annoyed. He said to Nasruddin, "Mulla, what turned you on to Rajneesh?"
'The day I saw him walking out with his hands folded, I knew then that God exists," replied Mulla.
Morarji, looking at Mulla from the corner of his eye, asked, "Hmmm, and what do you feel when you see me?"
Mulla said, "That God can also make mistakes."
Once it happened, Mulla Nasruddin was gambling in a horse race. First race he lost; second, he lost; third -- he went on losing, and two ladies just by his side sitting in a box were continuously winning every race.
Then at the seventh he could not contain his curiosity. What system were they following? Every race, and it was now the seventh, they had been winners and he had been a loser, and he had been working so hard at it. So he gathered courage, leaned over, and asked the ladies: 'You are doing well?'
They said, 'Yes,' very happily, they were beaming with happiness.
So he whispered: 'Can you tell me about your system? Just a hint.'
One lady said laughingly, 'We have a lot of systems! But today we have decided for long tails.'
Once it happened: Mulla Mulla Nasruddin was being analyzed by a psychiatrist. After many months of analysis, many meetings, the psychiatrist said, as Mulla lay on the couch: 'This is what I feel, this is what I conclude: you need to fall in love, you need a beautiful feminine object. Love is your need.'
Mulla said, 'Between me and you, don't you think love is silly?'
The psychiatrist said, 'Between me and you? -- it would be absurd!'
Mulla Nasruddin looks Rahimtullah straight in the eye and says, "Your sister is a stinking old whore; for twenty-five paisa she will let a one-eyed leper crawl over her."
Rahimtullah stands there, speechless. A bystander is amazed. He goes over to him and says, "For God's sake, man, how can you just stand there and let the Mulla insult your sister like that?"
Rahimtullah says, "I don't have a sister, I never had a sister, and now that my parents are both dead I never will have a sister."
So the bystander turns to Mulla Nasruddin and says, "Mulla, there is no point your insulting him like that, he does not have a sister."
"Sure," says the Mulla. "Of course not. I know it and he knows it, and now even you know it. But I ask you, how many of the people who had their windows open and were listening to our every word -- how many of them also know it?"
The Book of Wisdom
Mulla Nasruddin and his wife are sitting one Sunday listening to the radio, when this faith healer comes on and he says, "If you have a part of your body you want healed, place one hand on the radio and the other hand on the afflicted part."
The wife placed one hand on the radio and the other on her heart. The Mulla placed one hand on the radio and the other on his appendage.
So the wife said, "Mulla, he's trying to cure the sick, not raise the dead."
The Book of Wisdom
Mulla Nasruddin is chosen an honorary magistrate. The first case appears. He hears one side and declares to the court, "Within five minutes I will be back with the judgment."
The court clerk could not believe it -- he has not heard the other side! The clerk whispered in his ear, "What are you doing? Don't you see a simple thing? You have heard only one party, one side. The other side is waiting, and without hearing them you cannot give any judgment."
Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't try to confuse me. Just now I am absolutely clear. If I hear the other side too, then there is bound to be confusion."
Beyond Psychology
Mulla Nasruddin was on Chowpatty Beach with his wife, and suddenly he said, "Would you like bhelpuri once more?"
The wife said, "Once more? But we have not had any bhelpuri."
He said, "Beloved, it seems you are losing your memory. Just fifty years ago when we got married and we had come here for the first time, we had bhelpuri. That's why I am saying, `Would you like it once more?'"
Beyond Enlightenment
Mulla Nasruddin had applied for a post on a ship. He was interviewed. The captain and the high officials of the ship were sitting in a room. Mulla entered. The captain asked, "If the seas are in a turmoil, winds are strong, waves are huge and mountainous, what are you going to do to save the ship? It is tossed from here to there...."
Mulla Nasruddin said, "It is not much of a problem: I will just drop a huge anchor to keep the ship stable against the winds, against the waves. It is not much of a problem."
The captain again said, "Suppose another mountainous wave comes and the ship is going to be drowned; what are you going to do?"
He said, "Nothing -- another huge anchor."
The captain looked at him and asked a third time, "Suppose it is a great typhoon and it is impossible to save the ship. What are you going to do?"
He said, "Nothing, the same -- a huge anchor."
The captain said, "From where are you getting these huge anchors?"
He said, "From the same place. From where are you getting these great, mountainous waves, strong winds? -- from the same place. You go on getting them, I will go on getting bigger and bigger anchors."
Beyond Enlightenment
Mulla Nasruddin was speaking to Morarjibhai Desai. Seeing Mulla Nasruddin in orange, Morarjibhai Desai was obviously annoyed. He said to Nasruddin, "Mulla, what turned you on to Rajneesh?"
'The day I saw him walking out with his hands folded, I knew then that God exists," replied Mulla.
Morarji, looking at Mulla from the corner of his eye, asked, "Hmmm, and what do you feel when you see me?"
Mulla said, "That God can also make mistakes."
Be Still and Know
Once it happened, Mulla Nasruddin was gambling in a horse race. First race he lost; second, he lost; third -- he went on losing, and two ladies just by his side sitting in a box were continuously winning every race.
Then at the seventh he could not contain his curiosity. What system were they following? Every race, and it was now the seventh, they had been winners and he had been a loser, and he had been working so hard at it. So he gathered courage, leaned over, and asked the ladies: 'You are doing well?'
They said, 'Yes,' very happily, they were beaming with happiness.
So he whispered: 'Can you tell me about your system? Just a hint.'
One lady said laughingly, 'We have a lot of systems! But today we have decided for long tails.'
And the Flowers Showered
Once it happened: Mulla Mulla Nasruddin was being analyzed by a psychiatrist. After many months of analysis, many meetings, the psychiatrist said, as Mulla lay on the couch: 'This is what I feel, this is what I conclude: you need to fall in love, you need a beautiful feminine object. Love is your need.'
Mulla said, 'Between me and you, don't you think love is silly?'
The psychiatrist said, 'Between me and you? -- it would be absurd!'
And the Flowers Showered
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Osho's Quotes
Science and religion are polar opposites: science is extrovert, religion is introvert. And between the two is the world of aesthetics. It is the bridge; it is both and neither. The world of aesthetics, the world of the artist, is in a way objective -- only in a way. He paints, and then a painting is born as an object. It is also subjective, because before he can paint he has to create the painting in his inwardness, in his subjectivity. Before a poet can sing his song, he sings it in his innermost recesses of being. It is sung there first, only then does it move into the outer world.
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha
Osho 's Jokes
Once it happened: Mulla Nasruddin told me that he was thinking of divorcing his wife. I asked, 'Why? Why so suddenly?'
Nasruddin said, 'I doubt her fidelity towards me.'
So I told him, 'Wait, I will ask your wife.'
So I told his wife, 'Nasruddin is talking around town and creating a rumor that you are not faithful, and he is thinking of divorce, so what is the matter?'
His wife said, 'This is too much. Nobody has ever insulted me like that -- and I tell you, I have been faithful to him dozens of times!'
Mulla Nasruddin became very aged; he attained one hundred years. A reporter came to see him, because he was the oldest citizen around those parts. The reporter said, 'Nasruddin, there are a few questions I would like to ask. One is, do you think you will be able to live a hundred years more?'
Nasruddin said, 'Of course, because a hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now.' A hundred years before, he was a child, just born, so he said: 'A hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now, and if a small child, helpless, weak, could survive for a hundred years, why shouldn't I?'
Mulla Nasruddin killed his wife and then there was a case in the court. The judge said to Nasruddin, 'Nasruddin, you go on insisting again and again that you are a peaceloving man. What type of peaceloving man are you? You killed your wife!'
Nasruddin said, 'Yes, I repeat again that I am a peaceloving man. You don't know: when I killed my wife such peace descended on her face, and for the first time in my house there was peace all over. And I still insist that I am a peaceloving man.'
It happened: Mulla Nasruddin was getting fatter and fatter, stouter and stouter. The doctor advised a diet.
After two months Mulla went to see the doctor. The doctor said, 'My God! It is a miracle! You are even fatter than before -- I cannot believe my eyes! Are you strictly following the diet I gave you? Are you eating only that which I prescribed and nothing else?'
Nasruddin said, 'Nothing whatever! Of course I'm following your diet.'
The doctor couldn't believe it. He said, 'Tell me, Nasruddin, nothing whatever?'
Nasruddin said, 'Of course! Except my regular meals.' Regular meals PLUS the diet the doctor has prescribed.
Mulla Nasruddin was hospitalized. He was eighty -- and then came his birthday, and he was waiting for his three sons to bring him some present. They came of course, but they had not brought anything -- because he was eighty years old! A child feels happy with a present, but an old man? Eighty years old! His eldest son was sixty. So they didn't think about it at all, but when they came and Mulla looked and they were empty-handed, he felt angry, frustrated, and he said, 'What! Have you forgotten your old father, your poor old father's birthday? It is my birthday!'
One son said, 'Forgive us, we forgot completely.'
Mulla Nasruddin said, 'I reckon I will forgive you, because it seems this forgetfulness runs in our family. Really, I forgot to marry your mother.' He was really angry.
So they all three shrieked in unison, and they said, 'What! Do you mean we are...?'
He said, 'Yes! -- and damned cheap ones at that!'
Once it happened, a friend of Mulla Nasruddin was talking to Mulla Nasruddin. They had met after many -- years. Both were bitter rivals; both were poets. Both started to boast about the progress they had made in their careers.
'You have no idea, Nasruddin, how many people read my poetry now,' bragged the friend. 'My readers have doubled.'
'My God, my God!' cried Nasruddin. 'I had no idea you got married!'
It happened that Mulla Nasruddin came to me one day. He was very much worried and he said, 'Ah, poor Mr. Jones. Did you hear, Osho, what happened to him? He tripped at the top of the stairs, fell down the whole flight, banged his head and died.'
Shocked, I said, 'Died?'
'Died,' he repeated with emphasis, 'and broke his glasses too!'
Nasruddin said, 'I doubt her fidelity towards me.'
So I told him, 'Wait, I will ask your wife.'
So I told his wife, 'Nasruddin is talking around town and creating a rumor that you are not faithful, and he is thinking of divorce, so what is the matter?'
His wife said, 'This is too much. Nobody has ever insulted me like that -- and I tell you, I have been faithful to him dozens of times!'
And the Flowers Showered
Mulla Nasruddin became very aged; he attained one hundred years. A reporter came to see him, because he was the oldest citizen around those parts. The reporter said, 'Nasruddin, there are a few questions I would like to ask. One is, do you think you will be able to live a hundred years more?'
Nasruddin said, 'Of course, because a hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now.' A hundred years before, he was a child, just born, so he said: 'A hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now, and if a small child, helpless, weak, could survive for a hundred years, why shouldn't I?'
And the Flowers Showered
Mulla Nasruddin killed his wife and then there was a case in the court. The judge said to Nasruddin, 'Nasruddin, you go on insisting again and again that you are a peaceloving man. What type of peaceloving man are you? You killed your wife!'
Nasruddin said, 'Yes, I repeat again that I am a peaceloving man. You don't know: when I killed my wife such peace descended on her face, and for the first time in my house there was peace all over. And I still insist that I am a peaceloving man.'
And the Flowers Showered
It happened: Mulla Nasruddin was getting fatter and fatter, stouter and stouter. The doctor advised a diet.
After two months Mulla went to see the doctor. The doctor said, 'My God! It is a miracle! You are even fatter than before -- I cannot believe my eyes! Are you strictly following the diet I gave you? Are you eating only that which I prescribed and nothing else?'
Nasruddin said, 'Nothing whatever! Of course I'm following your diet.'
The doctor couldn't believe it. He said, 'Tell me, Nasruddin, nothing whatever?'
Nasruddin said, 'Of course! Except my regular meals.' Regular meals PLUS the diet the doctor has prescribed.
And the Flowers Showered
Mulla Nasruddin was hospitalized. He was eighty -- and then came his birthday, and he was waiting for his three sons to bring him some present. They came of course, but they had not brought anything -- because he was eighty years old! A child feels happy with a present, but an old man? Eighty years old! His eldest son was sixty. So they didn't think about it at all, but when they came and Mulla looked and they were empty-handed, he felt angry, frustrated, and he said, 'What! Have you forgotten your old father, your poor old father's birthday? It is my birthday!'
One son said, 'Forgive us, we forgot completely.'
Mulla Nasruddin said, 'I reckon I will forgive you, because it seems this forgetfulness runs in our family. Really, I forgot to marry your mother.' He was really angry.
So they all three shrieked in unison, and they said, 'What! Do you mean we are...?'
He said, 'Yes! -- and damned cheap ones at that!'
And the Flowers Showered
Once it happened, a friend of Mulla Nasruddin was talking to Mulla Nasruddin. They had met after many -- years. Both were bitter rivals; both were poets. Both started to boast about the progress they had made in their careers.
'You have no idea, Nasruddin, how many people read my poetry now,' bragged the friend. 'My readers have doubled.'
'My God, my God!' cried Nasruddin. 'I had no idea you got married!'
Ancient Music in the Pines
It happened that Mulla Nasruddin came to me one day. He was very much worried and he said, 'Ah, poor Mr. Jones. Did you hear, Osho, what happened to him? He tripped at the top of the stairs, fell down the whole flight, banged his head and died.'
Shocked, I said, 'Died?'
'Died,' he repeated with emphasis, 'and broke his glasses too!'
Ancient Music in the Pines
Friday, March 19, 2004
Osho's Quotes
There are things which are not facts. For them a totally different kind of language is needed. It exists; the language of aesthetics. It is illogical, it is emotional, it speaks heart to heart. It does not say much but still it says much. Sometimes it is even silent but in that silence there is a great message, communication, communion.
I call aesthetics the real morality: sensitivity to feel the beautiful, because God comes as beauty. In a roseflower or in a lotus, in the sunrise or in the sunset, in the stars, the birds singing in the early morning, or the dewdrops, a bird on the wing....
Aesthetics is just an artistic approach towards life, a poetic vision. Seeing colors so totally that each tree becomes a painting, that each cloud brings the presence of God, that colors are more colorful, that you don't go on ignoring the radiance of things, that you remain alert, aware, loving, that you remain receptive, welcoming, open. That's what I mean by the aesthetic attitude, the aesthetic approach.
Darshan Diaries: Don’t Bite My Finger, Look Where I Am Pointing
I call aesthetics the real morality: sensitivity to feel the beautiful, because God comes as beauty. In a roseflower or in a lotus, in the sunrise or in the sunset, in the stars, the birds singing in the early morning, or the dewdrops, a bird on the wing....
Philosophia Perennis
Aesthetics is just an artistic approach towards life, a poetic vision. Seeing colors so totally that each tree becomes a painting, that each cloud brings the presence of God, that colors are more colorful, that you don't go on ignoring the radiance of things, that you remain alert, aware, loving, that you remain receptive, welcoming, open. That's what I mean by the aesthetic attitude, the aesthetic approach.
The Dhammapada: The Way of The Buddha
Osho's Jokes
Mulla Nasruddin once told me, 'Well, I have been putting off the evil day for months but I have got to go this time.'
'Dentist or doctor?' I inquired.
'Neither,' he said, 'I am getting married.'
Mulla Nasruddin visited this store recently. He found rare tropical fruits from the jungles of South America and many strange delicacies from Africa and the Middle East.
In one corner he found a counter with several trays of human brains. There were politicians' brains at $1 per pound, engineers' brains at $2 per pound, and there was one tray Of saints' brains at $50 per pounce.
Since all the brains looked very much alike, he asked the man behind the counter, "Why do you charge so much more for the saints' brains?"
The man peered out from behind his glasses and answered, "Do you have any idea how many saints we have to go through to get a pound of brains?"
The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"
When the bottle of Scotch broke on the floor, the three little mice lapped it all up. Now they were really blind.
"I'm going to find Muhammad Ali and knock his brains out," said the first one.
The second said, "Just let me at that Idi Amin! I'll give him what's coming to him!"
"You guys do what you want," said the third mouse. "Me, I'm going upstairs and making love to the cat!"
Stalin was giving Mao Zedong instructions in practical communism. "Comrade," he said, "how would you make a cat eat chili pepper?"
"There are two ways," said Mao. "I could force it down him or I could stuff a fish with the pepper and give the fish to the cat."
"Wrong," replied Stalin. "It is not compatible with our ideology. The first method is coercion, the second deception. You know we never coerce or deceive the people."
"Then how would you do it?" asked Mao.
"I would rub the pepper on the cat's tail. When this started to smart, the cat would turn around and lick its tail, thus eating the pepper voluntarily."
Jack was home from college for the holidays. One day he asked his uneducated mother if he could tell her a narrative. His mother, not being used to such big words, asked him the meaning of 'narrative'.
"A narrative is a tale," Jack said.
That night, when going to bed, Jack asked his mother if he might extinguish the light. She wanted to know the meaning of 'extinguish'.
"To put out," Jack said.
A few days later Jack's mother was giving a party at their home, and the cat wandered into the room. Jack's mother raised her voice and said confidently, "Jack, take the cat by the narrative and extinguish him."
'Dentist or doctor?' I inquired.
'Neither,' he said, 'I am getting married.'
Ancient Music in the Pines
Mulla Nasruddin visited this store recently. He found rare tropical fruits from the jungles of South America and many strange delicacies from Africa and the Middle East.
In one corner he found a counter with several trays of human brains. There were politicians' brains at $1 per pound, engineers' brains at $2 per pound, and there was one tray Of saints' brains at $50 per pounce.
Since all the brains looked very much alike, he asked the man behind the counter, "Why do you charge so much more for the saints' brains?"
The man peered out from behind his glasses and answered, "Do you have any idea how many saints we have to go through to get a pound of brains?"
Ah, This!
The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"
Ah, This!
When the bottle of Scotch broke on the floor, the three little mice lapped it all up. Now they were really blind.
"I'm going to find Muhammad Ali and knock his brains out," said the first one.
The second said, "Just let me at that Idi Amin! I'll give him what's coming to him!"
"You guys do what you want," said the third mouse. "Me, I'm going upstairs and making love to the cat!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-9
Stalin was giving Mao Zedong instructions in practical communism. "Comrade," he said, "how would you make a cat eat chili pepper?"
"There are two ways," said Mao. "I could force it down him or I could stuff a fish with the pepper and give the fish to the cat."
"Wrong," replied Stalin. "It is not compatible with our ideology. The first method is coercion, the second deception. You know we never coerce or deceive the people."
"Then how would you do it?" asked Mao.
"I would rub the pepper on the cat's tail. When this started to smart, the cat would turn around and lick its tail, thus eating the pepper voluntarily."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-9
Jack was home from college for the holidays. One day he asked his uneducated mother if he could tell her a narrative. His mother, not being used to such big words, asked him the meaning of 'narrative'.
"A narrative is a tale," Jack said.
That night, when going to bed, Jack asked his mother if he might extinguish the light. She wanted to know the meaning of 'extinguish'.
"To put out," Jack said.
A few days later Jack's mother was giving a party at their home, and the cat wandered into the room. Jack's mother raised her voice and said confidently, "Jack, take the cat by the narrative and extinguish him."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Osho's Jokes
Spinster Peabody's proudest possession was Count, her exquisite cat. Unfortunately, he had been missing for two days. When she opened the freezer door, Miss Peabody nearly died of shock. There was Count frozen solid.
She immediately called the priest, who said there still might be a chance to save the poor animal. "Give it two tablespoons of gasoline," he told her.
With trembling hands, Miss Peabody opened Count's mouth and carefully spooned in the priest's strange prescription.
The seconds ticked away and nothing happened. She was about to give up hope when suddenly the cat opened his eyes, let out an ear-piercing screech and shot across the room at a hundred miles per hour, running over the furniture, the walls, even the ceiling. Count kept this up for two minutes and then suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, not moving a muscle.
Miss Peabody called the priest again.
"What do you think happened?" she asked.
"Simple," said the priest. "He ran out of gas."
She immediately called the priest, who said there still might be a chance to save the poor animal. "Give it two tablespoons of gasoline," he told her.
With trembling hands, Miss Peabody opened Count's mouth and carefully spooned in the priest's strange prescription.
The seconds ticked away and nothing happened. She was about to give up hope when suddenly the cat opened his eyes, let out an ear-piercing screech and shot across the room at a hundred miles per hour, running over the furniture, the walls, even the ceiling. Count kept this up for two minutes and then suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, not moving a muscle.
Miss Peabody called the priest again.
"What do you think happened?" she asked.
"Simple," said the priest. "He ran out of gas."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Quotes
Religion, Creativity and Music
Religion to me is creativity. And all creativity basically is musical. Only the medium differs: the poet creates music through words, and the sculptor creates music in stone, and the painter through colors but basically art is music. Music is the foundation of all aesthetics and all creativity.
Snap Your Fingers, Slap Your Face and Wake Up
To me, aesthetics is the closest neighbour of religiousness, not ethics.
The Secret of Secrets
I was raw, now I am cooked and burnt.
Jalaluddin, the greatest Sufi, says, "These three words contain my whole life."
If you are separate, you are raw. If you join together with existence, you are cooked. And if you disappear absolutely, without leaving even a shadow of the ego, you are burnt.
People of the Path
The word "Sufi"
A few things about this word 'Sufi'. An ancient Persian dictionary has this for the entry 'Sufi'... the definition given goes in rhyme: SUFI CHIST -- SUFI, SUFIST. WHO IS A SUFI? A SUFI IS A SUFI. This is a beautiful definition. The phenomenon is indefinable. 'A Sufi is a Sufi.' It says nothing and yet it says well. It says that the Sufi cannot be defined; there is no other word to define it, there is no other synonym, there is no possibility of defining it linguistically, there is no other indefinable phenomenon. You can live it and you can know it, but through the mind, through the intellect, it is not possible. You can become a Sufi -- that is the only way to know what it is. You can taste the reality yourself, it is available. You need not go into a dictionary, you can go into existence.
Sufis: The People of the Path
Monday, March 15, 2004
Osho's Jokes
After forty years of hard work an old carpenter dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the Pearly Gates he knocks on the door. Saint Peter opens it and says, "Yes?"
The old carpenter explains, "I am an old carpenter. I have worked hard for forty years, I never did any harm to anyone, and I am here for my reward."
Saint Peter replies, "I don't know about that. Wait here for a minute and I will go and get some information on you."
He goes inside and is about to talk to the boss, God, when he runs into Jesus. Jesus says, "Why are you all excited?" So Peter tells him the whole story: an old carpenter, worked hard for forty years, never did any harm to anyone.
Jesus listens to the story with mounting interest and asks, "Did he have white hair?"
Peter says, "Yes!"
"Little pixie eyeglasses with chromium frames?"
"Yes!"
"About so tall? Wearing a waistcoat, a little paunchy?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" says Peter.
Jesus runs to the Pearly Gates, throws open the door, takes a look at the little old man and cries at the top of his lungs, "Daddy!"
And the carpenter looks at him and joyously exclaims, "Pinocchio!"
The old carpenter explains, "I am an old carpenter. I have worked hard for forty years, I never did any harm to anyone, and I am here for my reward."
Saint Peter replies, "I don't know about that. Wait here for a minute and I will go and get some information on you."
He goes inside and is about to talk to the boss, God, when he runs into Jesus. Jesus says, "Why are you all excited?" So Peter tells him the whole story: an old carpenter, worked hard for forty years, never did any harm to anyone.
Jesus listens to the story with mounting interest and asks, "Did he have white hair?"
Peter says, "Yes!"
"Little pixie eyeglasses with chromium frames?"
"Yes!"
"About so tall? Wearing a waistcoat, a little paunchy?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" says Peter.
Jesus runs to the Pearly Gates, throws open the door, takes a look at the little old man and cries at the top of his lungs, "Daddy!"
And the carpenter looks at him and joyously exclaims, "Pinocchio!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Jokes
While riding home from work one evening, three commuters became friendly in the club car and, after the third round, they began to brag about the relative merits of their respective marital relationships. The first proudly proclaimed, "My wife meets my train every evening and we've been married for ten years."
"That's nothing," scoffed the second. "My wife meets me every evening, too, and we've been married for seventeen years."
"Well, I have got you both beat, fellows," said the third commuter, who was obviously the youngest in the group.
"How do you figure that?" the first fellow wanted to know.
"I suppose you have got a wife who meets you every evening, too!" sneered the second.
"That's right," said the third commuter, "and I'm not even married."
"That's nothing," scoffed the second. "My wife meets me every evening, too, and we've been married for seventeen years."
"Well, I have got you both beat, fellows," said the third commuter, who was obviously the youngest in the group.
"How do you figure that?" the first fellow wanted to know.
"I suppose you have got a wife who meets you every evening, too!" sneered the second.
"That's right," said the third commuter, "and I'm not even married."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Jokes
Weinstein, a very wealthy businessman, had an unattractive daughter. He found a young man to marry her and after ten years they had two children.
Weinstein called his son-in-law into the office one day. "Listen," he said, "you have given me two beautiful grandchildren, you have made me very happy. I am gonna give you forty-nine percent of the business."
"Thank you, Pop!"
"Is there anything else I could do for you?"
"Yeah, buy me out!"
Weinstein called his son-in-law into the office one day. "Listen," he said, "you have given me two beautiful grandchildren, you have made me very happy. I am gonna give you forty-nine percent of the business."
"Thank you, Pop!"
"Is there anything else I could do for you?"
"Yeah, buy me out!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Jokes
A naked girl is standing, speaking endlessly to a naked man kneeling and embracing her belly, later lying supine at her feet. She says, "My life is empty... it is a mockery... I am nothing -- just a facade -- a shell... a dead and useless thing! I am twenty-six years old... and I have never had a meaningful relationship... never had a truly meaningful relationship.... I should not even admit that, I suppose. It is very humiliating! I have passed from one shallow sexual episode to another. That's the story of my entire life... one tawdry, shallow, clutching incident after another. My relationships have no deep, lasting significance -- if I could just ONCE lie down and have something meaningful happen!"
The man replies, from the floor, "Have you ever tried talking less... and lying down SOONER?"
The man replies, from the floor, "Have you ever tried talking less... and lying down SOONER?"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Jokes
A farmer bought a new rooster for his chicken coop. He already had a rooster, but he felt it was getting too old to service all his chickens, of which he had quite a few.
When the farmer introduced the new rooster to all his chickens, the old rooster came up to the newcomer and arranged a meeting for later that night after the farmer went to bed.
"Listen," exclaimed the old rooster at the meeting that night, "that farmer thinks I'm too old to service all his chickens, but that's not true. I've still got a few good years left and I don't want to become the family's Sunday dinner prematurely. So let's make a deal!"
The deal that the old rooster had in mind was that the two roosters would get into a make-believe fight which would end up with the young rooster chasing the old-timer around the coop pretending not to be able to catch him. The noise of this make-believe altercation would bring out the farmer who would see the old rooster running faster than the new one and thus spare the old stud from the knife for a few years at least.
For doing this, the young rooster would get to fuck all the pretty chickens. The deal was made.
The next day the action started, with all the chickens squawking and the roosters cock-a-doodaling. The farmer came out and spied the new rooster chasing the old one. Picking up his rifle he shot the young rooster dead and exclaimed, "Goddamn! That is the third faggot rooster I've shot this week."
When the farmer introduced the new rooster to all his chickens, the old rooster came up to the newcomer and arranged a meeting for later that night after the farmer went to bed.
"Listen," exclaimed the old rooster at the meeting that night, "that farmer thinks I'm too old to service all his chickens, but that's not true. I've still got a few good years left and I don't want to become the family's Sunday dinner prematurely. So let's make a deal!"
The deal that the old rooster had in mind was that the two roosters would get into a make-believe fight which would end up with the young rooster chasing the old-timer around the coop pretending not to be able to catch him. The noise of this make-believe altercation would bring out the farmer who would see the old rooster running faster than the new one and thus spare the old stud from the knife for a few years at least.
For doing this, the young rooster would get to fuck all the pretty chickens. The deal was made.
The next day the action started, with all the chickens squawking and the roosters cock-a-doodaling. The farmer came out and spied the new rooster chasing the old one. Picking up his rifle he shot the young rooster dead and exclaimed, "Goddamn! That is the third faggot rooster I've shot this week."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Sufism
Sufism is the art of removing the hindrance between you and you, between the self and the self, between the part and the whole.
Sufis: The People of the Path
Osho's Jokes
Three reformed and very progressive rabbis were boasting about the advanced views of their respective congregations.
"We are so modern," said the first, "we have installed ashtrays in every pew so members can smoke while they pray."
"Ah!" snorted the second. "We now have a snack bar in the basement that serves ham sandwiches after services."
"You boys," said the third, "are not even in the same class as my congregation. We are so reformed, we close for the Jewish holidays."
"We are so modern," said the first, "we have installed ashtrays in every pew so members can smoke while they pray."
"Ah!" snorted the second. "We now have a snack bar in the basement that serves ham sandwiches after services."
"You boys," said the third, "are not even in the same class as my congregation. We are so reformed, we close for the Jewish holidays."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Sufism
Sufism is a great experiment in human consciousness: how to transform human consciousness into ishq. It is alchemy.
The Secret
The Secret
Osho's Jokes
Two men were sent to define the border between Poland and Russia.
One day, in the middle of a big wood, they came to a very old house set right on the borderline. Unable to decide to which country it should belong, they approached the inhabitants. After they rang the bell for a long time a very old but well-known philosopher opened the door. They explained their difficulties and asked him what country he would prefer to belong to.
"Oh," he said, "I have been living here for so long now, I don't care at all," and he started to shut the door.
Suddenly he opened it again and said quickly, "No, wait, put me in Poland."
The rather hurt Russian went back after an hour to ask the old philosopher what the reason for his sudden decision was.
"Oh, no special reason," he replied. "I just read in the newspapers twenty years ago that the winters in Russia are very cold."
One day, in the middle of a big wood, they came to a very old house set right on the borderline. Unable to decide to which country it should belong, they approached the inhabitants. After they rang the bell for a long time a very old but well-known philosopher opened the door. They explained their difficulties and asked him what country he would prefer to belong to.
"Oh," he said, "I have been living here for so long now, I don't care at all," and he started to shut the door.
Suddenly he opened it again and said quickly, "No, wait, put me in Poland."
The rather hurt Russian went back after an hour to ask the old philosopher what the reason for his sudden decision was.
"Oh, no special reason," he replied. "I just read in the newspapers twenty years ago that the winters in Russia are very cold."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Sufism
Sufism is not something that can be shown, proved, examined, certified, sanctioned. It is so interior. It is so unavailable to the outer senses and outer criterions that only one who is a Sufi will recognize it. Nobody else can recognize it.
The Perfect Master Vol 2
The Perfect Master Vol 2
Sufism
Sufism is not concerned with knowledge. Its whole concern is love, intense, passionate love: how to fall in love with the whole, how to be in tune with the whole, how to bridge the distance between the creation and the creator.
The Secret
The Secret
Osho's Jokes
One day Mulla Nasruddin's wife was running after him with a stick. To save himself he slipped underneath the bed. The wife is a fat woman and she could not enter.
Mulla said, "Now you know who is the master of the house!"
And then exactly at that moment, somebody knocked on the door; some neighbors had come. The wife started asking Mulla to come out. "We can finish this quarrel later on. Now the neighbors are there."
Mulla said, "Let them come! Let everybody know once and for all who is the master of this house! I am the master, and wherever I want to sit I will sit!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Mulla said, "Now you know who is the master of the house!"
And then exactly at that moment, somebody knocked on the door; some neighbors had come. The wife started asking Mulla to come out. "We can finish this quarrel later on. Now the neighbors are there."
Mulla said, "Let them come! Let everybody know once and for all who is the master of this house! I am the master, and wherever I want to sit I will sit!"
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Osho's Jokes
Women's liberation has become an integral part of Egyptian society despite the traditional disapproval of girls who date many different men.
One night, Sabra was sitting in a car with a boy who began kissing her passionately while removing her dress. She started to sob.
"Why are you crying?" he asked.
"I am afraid you will take me for the wrong kind of girl. I am not that kind."
"Stop crying -- I believe you."
"You are the first man," sobbed Sabra.
"You mean I am the first man to do this with you?"
"No. You are the first man to believe me."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
One night, Sabra was sitting in a car with a boy who began kissing her passionately while removing her dress. She started to sob.
"Why are you crying?" he asked.
"I am afraid you will take me for the wrong kind of girl. I am not that kind."
"Stop crying -- I believe you."
"You are the first man," sobbed Sabra.
"You mean I am the first man to do this with you?"
"No. You are the first man to believe me."
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8
Monday, March 08, 2004
OSHO Speaks
"Osho,
I remember while you were in the police station in Crete, those two young smiling Greek women, dressed in black like typical Cretan women, coming to the window, holding your hand and saying in very broken English, "Osho, we love you. We are Cretan, we want you to stay here."
It seems that as the governments become increasingly strident in their attacks on you - in spite of the increasingly obvious love the common man has for you - one of the most important parts of your work will be to show how the bureaucracy, far from representing the common man, is in fact in complete opposition to him."
"I certainly remember those two young women holding my hand and trying to convey to me that "We, the people of this island, want you to stay here. We love you."
The question you have raised has occurred to me many times in my life, again and again. The bureaucracy is not for the people, it is against them. It uses them, it exploits them, it manipulates them; it makes them believe that it is serving their purposes. But the reality is just the opposite.
They define democracy as the government of the people, for the people, by the people. It is none of these things. It is neither by the people, nor of the people, nor for the people.
The people who have been holding power down the centuries have always been able to persuade people that whatever is being done, is done for their sake. And the people have believed it because they have been trained to believe.
It is a conspiracy between religion and state to exploit humanity.
The religion goes on preaching belief and destroys the intelligence of people to question, makes them retarded. And the state goes on exploiting them in every possible way -- still managing to keep the people's support, because the people have been trained to believe, not to question. Any kind of government -- it may be monarchy, it may be aristocracy, it may be democracy, it may be any kind of government.... Just the names change but deep down the reality remains the same.
In Japan before the second world war, Hirohito, the emperor of Japan, was believed to be the direct descendant of the God Sun, and whatever he was saying was not human, it was divine; his order had just to be followed. For centuries Japanese people have believed in him as a Sun God, And they have died in hundreds of wars, willingly, joyously, because they are dying for God himself. What more blissful and beautiful a death could one aspire to?
Japan is a small country but no other country has been able to conquer it -- even countries like China, vast countries. China is the greatest country as far as numbers are concerned, as far as land is concerned, but a small tiny Japan was able to defeat the Chinese because the people had this fanatic belief that God is behind them, so victory is theirs. And more or less the same has been the situation all over the world.
That day when those two Cretan women, holding my hand with great love, said to me, "We are not against you. We love you and we want you to stay here," they represented the real consciousness of the people. And then I saw at the airport, three thousand people -- it must have been the whole population of Saint Nicholas -- came to show their support, and to show that they are not with the brutality and nazi actions of the police against me, that they are for me.
Yes, it has to be one of my works to awaken people to the real situation: you are being exploited in different names. The exploiters even call themselves public servants, to tell you that they serve you. For thousands of years they have been "serving," -- and the people are in immense misery, ignorance. They don't have anything to their life; they are born, they somehow live, and they die. Nothing happens to them which could be called ecstatic, which could be called an experience.
Empty from birth to death, nothing flowers, nothing blossoms...and they have all the potential of being a song of joy. But these bureaucracies, religious and political, would not allow it. They are so afraid of joyous people.
It was a strange feeling for me in the beginning.
I had never thought that people should be so afraid of joyous people.
Slowly slowly, I became aware that joy has many implications:
A joyous person is not retarded.
A joyous person is intelligent.
A joyous person knows the art of life; otherwise he cannot be joyous. And a joyous person is dangerous to all those vested interests which go against humanity.
Those interests want humanity to live in hell forever. They have managed in every possible way to keep you in misery. They destroy everything that you can rejoice in, and they give you ample opportunity to be miserable. A miserable person is not a danger to this rotten society.
Yes, it has to be one of my basic works to make people aware that the powerful ones -- either religious or political -- are not your friends. They are your enemies. And unless the common humanity goes through a rebellion against all types of bureaucracies, man will remain stuck, not evolving, not reaching to the heights which are his birthright."
I remember while you were in the police station in Crete, those two young smiling Greek women, dressed in black like typical Cretan women, coming to the window, holding your hand and saying in very broken English, "Osho, we love you. We are Cretan, we want you to stay here."
It seems that as the governments become increasingly strident in their attacks on you - in spite of the increasingly obvious love the common man has for you - one of the most important parts of your work will be to show how the bureaucracy, far from representing the common man, is in fact in complete opposition to him."
"I certainly remember those two young women holding my hand and trying to convey to me that "We, the people of this island, want you to stay here. We love you."
The question you have raised has occurred to me many times in my life, again and again. The bureaucracy is not for the people, it is against them. It uses them, it exploits them, it manipulates them; it makes them believe that it is serving their purposes. But the reality is just the opposite.
They define democracy as the government of the people, for the people, by the people. It is none of these things. It is neither by the people, nor of the people, nor for the people.
The people who have been holding power down the centuries have always been able to persuade people that whatever is being done, is done for their sake. And the people have believed it because they have been trained to believe.
It is a conspiracy between religion and state to exploit humanity.
The religion goes on preaching belief and destroys the intelligence of people to question, makes them retarded. And the state goes on exploiting them in every possible way -- still managing to keep the people's support, because the people have been trained to believe, not to question. Any kind of government -- it may be monarchy, it may be aristocracy, it may be democracy, it may be any kind of government.... Just the names change but deep down the reality remains the same.
In Japan before the second world war, Hirohito, the emperor of Japan, was believed to be the direct descendant of the God Sun, and whatever he was saying was not human, it was divine; his order had just to be followed. For centuries Japanese people have believed in him as a Sun God, And they have died in hundreds of wars, willingly, joyously, because they are dying for God himself. What more blissful and beautiful a death could one aspire to?
Japan is a small country but no other country has been able to conquer it -- even countries like China, vast countries. China is the greatest country as far as numbers are concerned, as far as land is concerned, but a small tiny Japan was able to defeat the Chinese because the people had this fanatic belief that God is behind them, so victory is theirs. And more or less the same has been the situation all over the world.
That day when those two Cretan women, holding my hand with great love, said to me, "We are not against you. We love you and we want you to stay here," they represented the real consciousness of the people. And then I saw at the airport, three thousand people -- it must have been the whole population of Saint Nicholas -- came to show their support, and to show that they are not with the brutality and nazi actions of the police against me, that they are for me.
Yes, it has to be one of my works to awaken people to the real situation: you are being exploited in different names. The exploiters even call themselves public servants, to tell you that they serve you. For thousands of years they have been "serving," -- and the people are in immense misery, ignorance. They don't have anything to their life; they are born, they somehow live, and they die. Nothing happens to them which could be called ecstatic, which could be called an experience.
Empty from birth to death, nothing flowers, nothing blossoms...and they have all the potential of being a song of joy. But these bureaucracies, religious and political, would not allow it. They are so afraid of joyous people.
It was a strange feeling for me in the beginning.
I had never thought that people should be so afraid of joyous people.
Slowly slowly, I became aware that joy has many implications:
A joyous person is not retarded.
A joyous person is intelligent.
A joyous person knows the art of life; otherwise he cannot be joyous. And a joyous person is dangerous to all those vested interests which go against humanity.
Those interests want humanity to live in hell forever. They have managed in every possible way to keep you in misery. They destroy everything that you can rejoice in, and they give you ample opportunity to be miserable. A miserable person is not a danger to this rotten society.
Yes, it has to be one of my basic works to make people aware that the powerful ones -- either religious or political -- are not your friends. They are your enemies. And unless the common humanity goes through a rebellion against all types of bureaucracies, man will remain stuck, not evolving, not reaching to the heights which are his birthright."
Friday, March 05, 2004
War or Meditation
Each decade a great war is needed to unburden humanity of neurosis. You may be surprised to know that in the First World War, psychologists became aware of a very rare, strange phenomenon. When the war continued, suddenly the proportion of people who used to go mad fell almost to nil. Suicides were not committed, nor murders. People even stopped going mad. That was strange - what has that to do with war? Maybe murders declined because murders joined the army, but what happened to people who commit suicide? Maybe they also joined the army, but then what happened to people who go mad? And then again in the Second World War the same thing happened, in a grater proportion; and then the link was known, the association.
Humanity goes on accumulating a certain quantity of neurosis, madness: each decade, it has to throw it out. So when there is war - war means when humanity has gone mad as a whole - then there is no need to go mad privately; what is the point? All are mad - then there is no point in trying to become mad privately. When one nation is murdering another, and there is so much suicide and murder, what is the point of doing these things on your own? You can simply watch TV or you can read in the newspaper.
The problem is not war, the problem is individual neurosis. A man who has become enlightened looks deep into the cause of things. Buddha, Christ, Krishna, they have been looking in to the root, and they have been trying to tell you: Change the root - a radical transformation is needed; ordinary reformation won't do. But then you may not understand - because I am here, I go on talking about meditation… no you can't see the relationship, how meditation is related with war. But I can see the relationship.
My understanding is this: that if even one percent of humanity becomes meditative, war will disappear - and there is no other way. That much quantity of meditative energy has to be released. If one percent of humanity - that means one in one hundred people - becomes meditative, things will have a totally different arrangement. Greed will be less; naturally poverty will be less. Poverty is not there because things are scarce; poverty is there because people are hoarding, because people are greedy. If we live right now, there is enough, the earth has enough to give us. But we plan ahead, we hoard - then trouble arises. Just imagine birds hoarding… then a few birds will become rich and a few will become poor; then American birds will become the richest, and the whole will suffer. But they don't hoard, so there is no poverty. Have ever seen a bird poor? Animals in the forest - nobody is poor, nobody is rich. In fact you don't even see fat birds and lean and thin birds. All the crows are almost alike; you cannot even recognize which is which. Why? They enjoy, they don't hoard.
Even to become fat means you are hoarding inside the body - that is a miserly mind. Misers become constipated; they cannot even throw out. They hoard: they control even defecation, they go on hoarding even rubbish. Hoarding is a habit.
To live in the moment, to live in the present, to live lovingly, to live in a friendship, to care… the world will be totally different. The individual has to change, because the world is nothing but a projected phenomenon of the individual soul.
Humanity goes on accumulating a certain quantity of neurosis, madness: each decade, it has to throw it out. So when there is war - war means when humanity has gone mad as a whole - then there is no need to go mad privately; what is the point? All are mad - then there is no point in trying to become mad privately. When one nation is murdering another, and there is so much suicide and murder, what is the point of doing these things on your own? You can simply watch TV or you can read in the newspaper.
The problem is not war, the problem is individual neurosis. A man who has become enlightened looks deep into the cause of things. Buddha, Christ, Krishna, they have been looking in to the root, and they have been trying to tell you: Change the root - a radical transformation is needed; ordinary reformation won't do. But then you may not understand - because I am here, I go on talking about meditation… no you can't see the relationship, how meditation is related with war. But I can see the relationship.
My understanding is this: that if even one percent of humanity becomes meditative, war will disappear - and there is no other way. That much quantity of meditative energy has to be released. If one percent of humanity - that means one in one hundred people - becomes meditative, things will have a totally different arrangement. Greed will be less; naturally poverty will be less. Poverty is not there because things are scarce; poverty is there because people are hoarding, because people are greedy. If we live right now, there is enough, the earth has enough to give us. But we plan ahead, we hoard - then trouble arises. Just imagine birds hoarding… then a few birds will become rich and a few will become poor; then American birds will become the richest, and the whole will suffer. But they don't hoard, so there is no poverty. Have ever seen a bird poor? Animals in the forest - nobody is poor, nobody is rich. In fact you don't even see fat birds and lean and thin birds. All the crows are almost alike; you cannot even recognize which is which. Why? They enjoy, they don't hoard.
Even to become fat means you are hoarding inside the body - that is a miserly mind. Misers become constipated; they cannot even throw out. They hoard: they control even defecation, they go on hoarding even rubbish. Hoarding is a habit.
To live in the moment, to live in the present, to live lovingly, to live in a friendship, to care… the world will be totally different. The individual has to change, because the world is nothing but a projected phenomenon of the individual soul.
'The Divine Melody'
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Sufism and Idealism
Sufism is not an idealism; it does not give you any ideal. It helps you to be natural, spontaneous. Sufism is not perfectionist -- it cannot be, because it is not neurotic.
The Perfect Master Vol 2
Osho's Jokes
 | A guy went to the track and won three hundred dollars. Thinking his luck would hold he went back the next day ready to make a killing. As he was looking over the horses set to run in the last race he noticed a priest making signs over one of the nags. Thinking that he had really lucked in, the guy bet every nickel he had won and every cent he could scrape up on the horse. Naturally, the horse finished last. Leaving the track he happened to bump into the very priest he had seen blessing the horse. "Father," he said, "I am a ruined man! I saw you blessing that horse and I bet every cent I had on him." The priest was horrified. "My son," he said, "I was not blessing that horse, I was administering the last rites!" The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8 |
News
 | Union Minister of State of India for External Affairs, Shri Vinod Khanna launched "Einstein the Budhha", a book based on the insights of Osho on the new man, at the Osho World stall during the 16th World Book Fair. The book in two volumes, is the compilation of Osho's vision on the evolution of the new man who is a merger of science and spirituality. more info.. |
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Osho World celebrates Women Mystics Week at the galleria from March 4 to 10, 2004
Women mystics like Sahajo, Meera, Daya, Lalla, Rabiya Al Adabiya feature prominently in Osho's discourses.On Sahajo, Osho says, "Sahajo: Even the name is poetic, it means 'the very essence of spontaneity'." On Meera, Osho says, "Perhaps she is the most significant of all the women who have become enlightened. Her songs... each word is pure gold. It is coming from the very source of enlightenment."
Similarly, Osho has hailed Daya when he said, " She was a contemporary of Meera and Sahajo, but she is far more profound than either of them. She is really beyond numbers. Daya is a little cuckoo - but don't be worried....In fact in India the cuckoo is called koyal, and it does not have the meaning of being nuts. Daya is really a cuckoo -- not nuts, but a sweet singer like the Indian koyal. On an Indian summer night, the distant call of the cuckoo; that's what Daya is... a distant call in the hot summer of this world."
Osho has paid warm tribute to women Sufis like Rabiya al-Adabiya. Al-Adabiya means 'from the village of Adabiya'. Rabiya is her name, al-Adabiya is her address. That's how the Sufis named her: Rabiya al-Adabiya. The village became a very Mecca when Rabiya was still alive. Travellers from all over the world, seekers from everywhere, came searching for Rabiya's hut. She was really a ferocious mystic; with a hammer in her hand she could have broken anybody's skull. She actually broke many many skulls and brought out the hidden essence.
Another Sufi woman from Kashmir commented by Osho is Lalla. He said, "She was one of the most beautiful women... Kashmir has the most beautiful women in the whole of India. Not only is the land beautiful, but the people are also very beautiful. Lalla remained naked, disowned everything, renounced everything -- still, no police commissioner came to her to say that this was obscene. On the contrary, in Kashmir they have a proverb: "We know only two words which are meaningful; one is Allah, and another is Lalla." They have raised Lalla equal to God, Allah."
Osho World pays tribute to all these and many more women mystics during the forthcoming week through daily programmes and meditations.
Similarly, Osho has hailed Daya when he said, " She was a contemporary of Meera and Sahajo, but she is far more profound than either of them. She is really beyond numbers. Daya is a little cuckoo - but don't be worried....In fact in India the cuckoo is called koyal, and it does not have the meaning of being nuts. Daya is really a cuckoo -- not nuts, but a sweet singer like the Indian koyal. On an Indian summer night, the distant call of the cuckoo; that's what Daya is... a distant call in the hot summer of this world."
Osho has paid warm tribute to women Sufis like Rabiya al-Adabiya. Al-Adabiya means 'from the village of Adabiya'. Rabiya is her name, al-Adabiya is her address. That's how the Sufis named her: Rabiya al-Adabiya. The village became a very Mecca when Rabiya was still alive. Travellers from all over the world, seekers from everywhere, came searching for Rabiya's hut. She was really a ferocious mystic; with a hammer in her hand she could have broken anybody's skull. She actually broke many many skulls and brought out the hidden essence.
Another Sufi woman from Kashmir commented by Osho is Lalla. He said, "She was one of the most beautiful women... Kashmir has the most beautiful women in the whole of India. Not only is the land beautiful, but the people are also very beautiful. Lalla remained naked, disowned everything, renounced everything -- still, no police commissioner came to her to say that this was obscene. On the contrary, in Kashmir they have a proverb: "We know only two words which are meaningful; one is Allah, and another is Lalla." They have raised Lalla equal to God, Allah."
Osho World pays tribute to all these and many more women mystics during the forthcoming week through daily programmes and meditations.
Sufism Is All Alchemy
SO THE FIRST THING ABOUT SUFISM IS: it is all alchemy -- the science of the inner soul. It is an experimentation in consciousness. Only the result decides whether what you were doing was right or wrong. There is no other way of deciding it.
The Perfect Master Vol 2
Osho's Jokes
| Once a tightrope walker wanted to put together an act nobody had ever seen before. He had a rope stretched across the Grand Canyon, refused a net, had himself blindfolded, and then announced he would walk across the rope playing the Blue Danube waltz on a violin. Needless to say, a huge crowd gathered to see this performance, but as he approached the far side of the canyon, this is the conversation he overheard. "Now, admit it, Harry. Have you ever seen anything like that in your whole life? Is he not amazing? Is he not incredible?" "Okay, I admit it," said Harry. "He is amazing. He is incredible. But I will tell you one thing he is not." "And what is that?" asked his wife. "Heifetz, he's not." The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8 |
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
The Great Challenge
This always happens: when I say something, I create two groups of people around me. One group will be exoteric. They will organize, they will do many things concerned with society, with the world that is without; they will help preserve whatsoever I am saying. The other group will be more concerned with the inner world. Sooner or later the two groups are bound to come in conflict with one another because their emphasis is different. The inner group, the esoteric mind, is concerned with something quite different from the exoteric group. And, ultimately, the outer group will win, because they can work as a group. The esoteric ones cannot work as a group; they go on working as individuals. When one individual is lost, something is lost forever.
This happens with every teacher. Ultimately the outer group becomes more and more influential; it becomes an establishment. The first thing an establishment has to do is to kill its own esoteric part, because the esoteric group is always a disturbance. Because of "heresy," Christianity has been destroying all that is esoteric.
And now the pope is at the opposite extreme to Jesus: this is the ultimate schism between the exoteric and the esoteric. The pope is more like the priests who crucified Jesus than like Jesus himself. If Jesus comes again, he will be crucified in Rome this time—by the Vatican. The Vatican is the exoteric, organizational part, the establishment.
These are intrinsic problems—they happen, and you cannot do anything about it.
This happens with every teacher. Ultimately the outer group becomes more and more influential; it becomes an establishment. The first thing an establishment has to do is to kill its own esoteric part, because the esoteric group is always a disturbance. Because of "heresy," Christianity has been destroying all that is esoteric.
And now the pope is at the opposite extreme to Jesus: this is the ultimate schism between the exoteric and the esoteric. The pope is more like the priests who crucified Jesus than like Jesus himself. If Jesus comes again, he will be crucified in Rome this time—by the Vatican. The Vatican is the exoteric, organizational part, the establishment.
These are intrinsic problems—they happen, and you cannot do anything about it.
The Great Challenge
Osho's Jokes
| Two colleagues were discussing a patient. "I was having great success with Mr. Green," said the first doctor. "When he first came to me, he was suffering from a massive inferiority complex. He thought that he was too small, which was of course all nonsense." "How did you treat this patient?" inquired the second doctor. "I started out with intensive analysis and then group therapy. I convinced him that many of the world's greatest leaders were men of small physical stature. I really hated to lose Mr. Green." "What do you mean?" inquired his colleague. "How did you lose him?" "A terrible accident," replied the physician. "A pussycat ate him." The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8 |
The Way of Sufism
Sufism is not an 'I'm' as such. It is a practical methodology It is alchemy. If you understand its ways, it is going to transmute you from lower metal to higher metal. It can take you to another reality. It can open doors to the ultimate. It is not interested in giving you great ideas. Its basic emphasis is how to give you a little more awareness. Even an ounce of awareness is far more valuable than the whole Himalayas of philosophy. An inch of becoming more conscious is far better than travelling thousands of miles in your dreams.
The Perfect Master Vol 2
Monday, March 01, 2004
Osho's Jokes
| A Martian landed at a busy intersection in New York City and spent the next two hours crossing the street. He kept going back and forth between the two electric signs that change from "Walk" to "Don't Walk" and then back again. Finally the weary little Martian stopped at one of the poles and threw his arms around it. "Baby," he said, "I really do love you, but you've got to stop being such a nag." The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha Vol-8 |
Sufism
Sufism is not speculation -- it is utterly practical. It is not a philosophy -- it is very down-to-earth. Its roots are in the earth. It is not abstract, wholly thinking -- it means business. It wants to transform people, not just to stuff their minds with futile, impotent ideas.
The Perfect Master Vol 2
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